The Boss's Son

2011 NFL First-round Projection and Arizona Cardinals Draft.

2011-04-26T12:17:00.000-07:00

Carolina Panthers – Cam Newton, QB, Auburn. Marty Hurney needs to hit a home-run with this selection. The best players in the draft class are on defense, but that’s where the Panthers have the most talent already. Newton has weapons to support him and leadership qualities that could galvanize the franchise.
Denver Broncos – Marcel Dareus, DT, Alabama. Denver needs help on its interior defense, where they play in a division chock full of quality running backs. The offense has enough firepower to win games, but John Fox needs to build a defense that will allow his offense to take the field more frequently.
Buffalo Bills – Von Miller, OLB, Texas A&M. The Bills’ problems are on the defensive side of the ball. They’d like to take an interior lineman here, but there will be value at the position later in the draft. The Bills need to find a way to frustrate Mark Sanchez and Tom Brady if they’re going to return to relevance in the AFC East.
Cincinnati Bengals – A.J. Green, WR, Georgia. The Bengals aren’t willing to invest in another quarterback when they’re on the hook for Carson Palmer, and a rookie QB couldn’t succeed with the present tools in the Bengals’ arsenal. A.J. Green will be an immediate contributor and playmaker who can open holes for Chad Johnson.
Arizona Cardinals – Patrick Peterson, CB, LSU. Very, very quietly the Arizona Cardinals have cleared the deck at the CB position, with no legitimate players following Dominique Rogers-Cromartie and Greg Toler. Peterson will challenge for the punt return job behind shaky second-year player Andre Roberts and be an immediate contributor in nickel and dime packages in the secondary. Peterson is also insurance if DRC fails to embrace more zone concepts in the future.
Cleveland Browns – Nick Fairley, DT, Auburn. Reports are the Fairley is falling down draft boards, but GM Mike Holmgren remembers have to prepare for John Randall and Warren Sapp and knows the challenges that a great three-technique DT can present. The draft class at this position is thin, and the Browns get an immediate contributor as they transition to a 4-3 defense.
San Francisco 49ers – Blaine Gabbert, QB, Missouri. San Francisco has done a good job of picking up sliding prospects in the first round. The cupboard is shockingly bare at the QB position in the North Bay, and Gabbert possesses the qualities that new head coach John Harbaugh likes in a player. The offensive line in San Francisco may be able to keep a clean pocket around Gabbert and allow him to succeed.
Tennessee Titans – Robert Quinn, DE, North Carolina. Current DEs Jason Babin and Jacob Ford are not long-term solutions to the pass rush, but they will be starters while Quinn adjusts to the NFL after a year away from football.
Dallas Cowboys – J.J. Watt, DE, Wisconsin. This isn’t a flashy pick, and the Cowboys may want to trade down to get some value at the offensive line. Watt is an excellent prospect at the five-technique DE spot and could pair with Igor Olshansky for the best 3-4 DE tandem in the NFL.
Washington Redskins – Julio Jones, WR, Alabama. The Redskins get great value for this pick. Their WR corps is solid right now, but it is aging. Jones will be an excellent West Coast wideout for Mike Shanahan.
Houston Texans – Prince Amukamra, CB, Nebraska. The Texans are terrible in the secondary. They get a player that will be good for them in Wade Phillips’s 3-4 defense.
Minnesota Vikings – Da’Quan Bowers, DE, Clemson. Minnesota can’t believe their luck that a player who was widely expected to be drafted in the Top 5 falls to them all the way at #12 overall. Bowers can learn behind Jared Allen or immediately contribute on the strong side. Bowers is not a speed rusher in the mold of Julius Peppers, but he is a good technician who can contribute quickly.
Detroit Lions – Jimmy Smith, CB, Colorado. The character concerns about Jimmy Smith are overstated, and frankly the Lions defense could use some attitude. Jimmy Smith is an elite athlete who can be a cover corner in the mold of Darelle Revis.
St. Louis Rams – Cameron Jordan, DE, Cal. The Rams are in a position to trade down from this spot without great value at a position of need. Instead Steve Spagnolo goes back to his Philadelphia roots and drafts the best lineman on the board and will plug him in wherever he’s needed.
Miami Dolphins – Tyron Smith, OT, Southern Cal. Smith will be able to stay at right tackle for the Dolphins, where Miami has a gaping hole currently occupied by Lydon Murtha.
Jacksonville Jaguars – Aldon Smith, DE, Missouri. Smith presents good value here for a team that needs to protect its secondary with a productive pass rush in a division that features Peyton Manning and Matt Schaub.
New England Patriots – Corey Luiget, DL, Illinois. Quietly, the Patriots have been transitioning to more and more 4-3 defensive looks. Luiget presents great positional versatility for Bill Belicheck.
San Diego Chargers – Anthony Castonzo, OT, Boston College. Castonzo will help protect Philip Rivers as he ages and solves an offensive line problem across from Marcus McNeill.
New York Giants – Mike Pouncey, OG, Florida. The Giants need to add fresh bodies to their aging offensive line. Pouncey is a better story than he is a talent in this draft, but he’ll be a solid contributor who will have time to learn from the veterans ahead of him.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Ryan Kerrigan, DE, Purdue. Kerrigan presents the best value to a Tampa-2 team, and ends up in a position where he can be the most successful.
Kansas City Chiefs – Gabe Carimi, OT, Wisconsin. Carimi can play the right or the left side for the Chiefs, and will open holes in the run game that made the Chiefs a playoff team in 2010.
Indianapolis Colts – Nate Solder, OT, Colorado. The Colts have an offensive line problem, and they have to protect their franchise player in Peyton Manning. Solder will give them more opportunities to protect Manning and open holes in the run game.
Philadelphia Eagles – Adrian Clayborn, DE, Iowa. The Eagles keep getting better by drafting good athletes for their offensive and defensive lines. If there is a run on offensive linemen, don’t be surprised to see the Eagles move up a little.
New Orleans Saints – Akeem Ayers, LB, UCLA. Ayers give Gregg Williams a nice versatile athlete to play the strong side of his defense.
Seattle Seahawks – Aaron Williams, CB, Texas. At this point in the draft, and without a third-round pick, the Seattle Seahawks would probably like to trade down. Lacking that option, they take Williams, who will help out a secondary in need.
Baltimore Ravens – Derek Sherrod, OT, Mississippi. The Ravens need help on the offensive line, and Sherrod will give them an able replacement at the RT position and allow them to move Marshall Yanda back to the inside where he was a dominant player.
Atlanta Falcons – Justin Houston, DE, Georgia. The Falcons need to find a future replacement for John Abraham. It might seem like the Falcons are reaching here, but if Houston develops, it won’t matter two years from now.
New England Patriots – Mark Ingram, RB, Arkansas. New England would love to trade out of this spot to the team that feels like Jake Locker will be the answer and pick up some 2012 picks. Ingram is a productive player who should be able to excel in the elements and have a quick transition to the pro game.
Chicago Bears – Danny Watkins, OG, Baylor. The Bears have to do something about their offensive line to protect the investment they’ve made in Jay Cutler.
New York Jets – Jabaal Sheard, DE/OLB, Pittsburgh. The Jets need to manufacture a pass rush somehow. Sheard is a prospect who will give them a chance to do that.
Pittsburgh Steelers – Muhammad Wilkerson, DT, Temple. Wilkerson can play DE in the Steelers 3-4 defense and gives them great depth at the position. Excellent value selection as two-gap DTs always fall in the draft.
Green Bay Packers – Cameron Heyward, DE, Ohio State. The Packers have had terrible luck selecting two-gap defensive linemen before hitting a home run with B.J. Raji. Heyward will be able to keep the Packers’ excellent LB corps clean.
New England Patriots – Jake Locker, QB, Washington. The likelihood that New England exercises this pick is extremely low. Teams will have some 16 hours to make inquiries about the availability of this selection. Whoever ends up at this spot will take Locker.
34. Buffalo Bills – Phil Taylor, DT, Baylor. After addressing the pass rush at the top of Round 1, Buffalo comes back and addresses the run defense at the top of Round 2. Taylor will eat space in the middle of the line and become a poor man’s John Henderson.
Cincinnati Bengals – Mikel LeShoure, RB, Illiniois. Cedric Benson was showing some wear on his tires last season. LeShoure will help continue the remaking of the Bengals’ offense.
Denver Broncos – Kyle Rudolph, TE, Notre Dame. Rudolph is a risk/reward pick here, but both Kyle Orton and Tim Tebow are used to operating with playmaking tight ends..
Cleveland Browns – Torrey Smith, WR, Maryland. There’s a lot of pent-up demand for wideouts at this point in the draft. Smith will provide depth to a relatively talentless WR corps.
Arizona Cardinals - Brooks Reed, DE/OLB, Arizona. The Cards lose out when there’s a string of pass rushers taken toward the end of the first round, but Reed is a passionate player who will do whatever is asked of him.

69 – Kendrick Ellis, DT, Hampton. The Cards go to another small school in the third round. Ignorant fans will project Ellis as a backup NT, but he should be successful as a two-gap DE in wave packages for Darnell Dockett or Calais Campbell.

103 – Austin Pettis, WR, Boise State. Excellent value with this pick. The Cards get s better version of Steve Breaston here, and will give Stephen Williams some competition.

136 – Alex Green, RB, Hawaii. Green knows how to pass protect, run routes, and catch the ball from his experience in the spread offense at Hawaii.

171 – Nick Bellore, LB, Central Michigan. Should develop into the SILB that the Cards need to pair with Daryl Washington.

184 – Anthony Gray, NT, Southern Mississippi. 5’11”, 330 lbs. He’s the definition of the kind of fire hydrant nose tackle that is needed for the 3-4 defense.

249 – Jarriel King, OL, South Carolina. The kind of developmental OT prospect with massive size that the Cards like to develop.

On the Mystery of the Female Orgasm

2011-04-19T09:55:00.000-07:00

I finished reading D.H. Lawrence's Lady Chatterly's Lover...

She clung to him unconscious in passion, and he never quite slipped from her, and she felt the soft bud of him within her stirring, and strange rhythms flushing up into her with a strange rhythmic growing motion, swelling and swelling and swelling till it filled all her cleaving consciousness, and then began again the unspeakable motion that was not really motion, but pure deepening whirlpools of sensation swirling deeper and deeper through all her tissue and consciousness, till she was one perfect concentric fluid of feeling, and she lay there crying in unconscious inarticulate cries. The voice out of the uttermost night, the life!

Am I right, ladies?

Review: A Few Seconds of Panic, by Stephan Fatsis

2011-02-24T09:42:00.000-08:00

Since we have a little time before football starts (indeed, before the NFL Draft guides come out), I thought I'd recommend some light reading for those who might be interested. In the past couple weeks, I finished reading Stefan Fatsis's A Few Seconds of Panic: A 5-foot-8, 170-pound, 43-year-old Sportswriter Plays in the NFL. It's worth a read, even for a Cardinals fan.

The Premise: 50 years after George Plimpton's Paper Lion, Fatsis gets permission from ownership and Mike Shanahan to attend Denver's 2006 training camp as a non-roster invitee kicker. Fatsis is a rec soccer player, but gets himself into shape as an NFL-kicker.

The Style: Fatsis is a newspaper reporter (for the Wall Street Journal) and works for NPR, so he has some illusions of grandeur, but his style is friendly and readable. He thinks he's funnier than he is at times, but it was worth spending time with him.

Cardinal Connections: 2006 was the year that the Broncos drafted Jay Cutler in the 1st round, and Jake Plummer's last year with Denver. Plummer gives a lot of access to Fatsis. Also, Fatsis befriends former Cardinals' #3 QB Preston Parsons. Finally, in 2006 current Cardinal long snapper Mike Leach is the long-snapper for Denver, and he works with Fatsis for most of the book.

What's interesting: If John Feinstein's Next Man Up is a look at the NFL from the coaches' and front office's point of view, A Few Seconds of Panic looks at the game from the players' side. Fatsis spends some time with Denver's stars, but most of the book is spent talking to the fringe players in the NFL who will be lucky to land a job. Fatsis discusses PEDs after punter Todd Sauerbrun gets a four-game suspension for taking ephedra, as well as examines why players play week to week. As we come into a period of labor unrest in the NFL, it may be useful to understand what training camp means to the average NFL player, or the guys on the roster from 50-85 who are trying to catch on to one. It's interesting to see the conflicted way that a lot of players view the game. Fatsis doesn't get into the nitty gritty of training camp drills and schemes, but his comments on the struggles of a Preston Parsons or Bradlee Van Pelt are worth the time.

On Million Dollar Money Drop and Game Show Culture

2011-01-20T13:15:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago, How I Met Your Mother did an amazing send-up of the "new" game shows in a parody called Million Dollar Coin Flip, with Alex Trebek as the host. Even thinking about it today brings a smile to my face. Then in December FOX debuted Million Dollar Money Drop, which returned last week after a Christmas hiatus.

The premise of Million Dollar Money Drop is interesting. A telegenic couple is brought out--usually a married couple but frequently two friends--and introduced as "America's newest millionaires." They're presented with $1,000,000.00 in twenty dollar bills wrapped in $20,000.00 bundles. They give their little story and are told that the million dollars is theirs, but in order to take it home, they have to answer a series of some eight multiple choice questions. They must place all of their money on answers, and leave at least one answer, or "drop zone" empty.

After time has expired, tension is raised until the drop zones under incorrect answers are released, and the money falls down into fifteen-foot-deep chambers. At the last question is either "A" or "B", and the contestants must risk all their money.

I love game shows. I've been watching Jeopardy my entire life, and I religiously follow shows like Top Chef and So You Think You Can Dance. Even shows like Cash Cab have their appeal. But there's a difference between Million Dollar Money Drop and these other programs: contestants cannot win money, they can only lose it.

It's an important distinction. On a traditional game show, the viewer audience is always on the side of the contestant, or a contestant. We are cheering for them to win the game. At our worst moments, we may be cheering for an opponent to lose, but the viewer always has a champion. What Million Dollar Money Drop has occasioned is the game show that's entirely voyeuristic. The home viewer may have the answer to the question (or believe they do), but after the minute or 75 seconds for answering the question has elapsed, the audience is treated to an interminable amount of time watching the contestants squirm over their lack of knowledge on some general question. America's newest millionaires never occupy that rarefied air for long.

Last night presented a common example: a young married couple, the husband a Marine who met his bride at a "Welcome Back from Iraq" party, were faced with the question of who appears on the U.S. dime: John F. Kennedy, Thomas Jefferson, Frankin Roosevelt, or Benjamin Franklin. They decided to put all their money on Thomas Jefferson. In the 60 seconds provided, the audience is treated to the frequently aimless ramblings of the contestants while they pile money on this or that drop zone. This young couple (two kids at home who "miss their daddy very much when he's away on deployment") put all their money on Thomas Jefferson.

Anyone who has a dime in their pocket already knows the answer. But the producers throw the program to commercial while we consider their sealed fate. The program's host then keeps the couple in suspense for two minutes or more after the return. When their answer is revealed to be false, their new fortune--all of it--falls away from sight in the blink of an eye. What the viewer is left with is the embrace of a couple who watched literally years of income disappear.

FOX has a reputation of course for game shows that push the edges of decency. Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire was the beginning, but more insidious and loathsome was Moment of Truth, where a contestant was forced to answer uncomfortable questions about their past live in front of family, friends, and co-workers. But this is different.

In a show like Deal or No Deal, there is always the opportunity for the contestant to win more than is available to her. The offer from the "Banker" is always less than what's still available to them on the board. Only in Million Dollar Money Drop can the contestants only lose.

It's good that Million Dollar Money Drop isn't a hit, and likely to disappear from our television sets and consciousnesses as soon as the regular FOX schedule returns after the Super Bowl. But it may present a threshold that Americans have crossed. In this weak economy we are happy to watch others lose even more than we have in the blink of an eye. That's entertainment

NFL 2010 Draft First-round Projection and Arizona Cardinals Mock Draft

2010-03-10T07:37:00.001-08:00

The 2010 NFL Draft is just around the corner, so I thought I'd waste some time by firing up the ol' blog again and putting together a first-round projection.

For the Cardinals, I'm assuming that they sign Porter, Foote, and then don't have anything beyond one or two more depth signings. Now that Ware's back in the fold, it's difficult to imagine the Cards losing a need free agent.

1 St. Louis Rams - Gerald McCoy, DT, Okalahoma. Sam Bradford is not a franchise quarterback. But the Rams know that in their HC's one-gap penetrating defense, McCoy can be a huge playmaker and make everyone on the defense seem better.
2 Detroit Lions - Ndamukong Suh, DT, Nebraska. The best player in the draft falls right in Detroit's lap. Jim Schwartz will know just what to do with him after coaching Albert Haynesworth for years.
3 Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Derrick Morgan, DE, Georgia Tech. The Bucs desperately want to trade out of this position after the Rams don't take their quarterback, but no one wants to spend the money. Tampa's search to replace Simeon Rice continues.
4 Washington Redskins - Russell Okung, OT, Oklahoma State. The Redskins get exactly who they're targeting here. Okung answered all questions at the Combine, and will be an anchor for years in Washington.
5 Kansas City Chiefs - Eric Berry, FS, Tennessee. The Chiefs were hoping that Okung would fall to them, but instead they look to the defensive side of the ball. Todd Haley knows how exceptional DB play can affect a defense, and Jon McGraw is not the answer for Kansas City.
6 Seattle Seahawks - Sam Bradford, QB, Oklahoma. Excellent fit all around. Hasselbeck can groom the kid for a year. Seattle corrects the mistake it made last year in passing on Mark Sanchez.
7 Cleveland Browns - Dez Bryant, WR, Oklahoma State. Jerome Harrison may be the answer at running back for the Browns, but there's little on the outside for whomever is taking snaps from center. Bryant gives them an outside option.
8 Oakland Raiders - Bruce Campbell, OT, Maryland. What can you say about Al Davis? If he's going to stick with his OL coach/Head Coach for another year, he's going to give him something to work with in this physical specimen. Could immediately start at RT in place or Cornell Green.
9 Buffalo Bills - Bryan Bulaga, OT, Iowa. The Bills' line is in a shambles after releasing seemingly everyone last year. Bulaga may end up as a pro guard, but they'll try him on the edge first.
10 Jacksonville Jaguars - Jason Pierre-Paul, DE, South Florida. Jacksonville wants to trade out of this spot when it finds no need positions when they come on the clock. If a team wants Clausen, they can get him here. Forced to pick, the Jags realize that you can never have too many pass rushers.
11 Denver Broncos (From Bears) - Mike Iupati, OL, Idaho. The Broncos may also be interested in trading out of this spot, but the OL is in transition from the zone-blocking scheme, and Iupati will provide a physical inside presence for Josh McDaniels's offense. McDaniels has faith in Kyle Orton.
12 Miami Dolphins - Taylor Mays, S, Southern Cal. Bill Parcells loves size/speed players like Karlos Dansby. Mays will be a high-profile player in Miami and plays in a division with only one good passer in Tom Brady.
13 San Francisco 49ers - Trent Williams, OT, Oklahoma. San Francisco knows that they're going to have to protect whomever they have taking snaps, and Williams begins that project.
14 Seattle Seahawks (From Broncos) - C.J. Spiller, RB, Clemson. Finally an RB comes off the board. Pete Carroll sees a little Reggie Bush in Spiller.
15 New York Giants - Rolando McClain, LB, Alabama. McClain could play any of the three LB positions in the Giants' 4-3 defense, but he'll start, and excel, in the middle.
16 Tennessee Titans - Joe Haden, CB, Florida. One injury at DB crippled the Titans for half the season. They won't let that happen again.
17 San Francisco 49ers (From Panthers) - Brandon Graham, DE, Michigan. Graham will play outside linebacker in the 49ers' 3-4 defense, where they have to find ways to bolster a pass rush against teams that aren't the Arizona Cardinals.
18 Pittsburgh Steelers - Anthony Davis, OT, Rutgers. The Steelers must continue to build their offensive line and re-load for the future.
19 Atlanta Falcons - Earl Thomas, S, Texas. Atlanta's thrilled that Thomas falls to them. The Falcons have to get better on the defensive side of the ball if they're going to return to playoff contention.
20 Houston Texans - Kyle Wilson, CB, Boise State. The Texans aren't crying that they lost Dunta Robinson at free agency, but they are thrilled to get a young playmaker in the secondary to replace him.
21 Cincinnati Bengals - Jermaine Gresham, TE, Oklahoma. Carson Palmer has never in his career played with a receiving TE. He needs more weapons on the offensive side of the ball, and Gresham should give him a quality outlet.
22 New England Patriots - Sergio Kindle, LB, Texas. Kindle will be able to play inside and outside linebacker in the Pats' 3-4 scheme, which will make him the kidn of multi-dimensional weapon that Belicheck loves.
23 Green Bay Packers - Charles Brown, OT, Southern Cal. A little bit of a reach here, but OT has long needed a youth movement in Green Bay, and they're going to have to draft a couple of 'em in 2010.
24 Philadelphia Eagles - Sean Weatherspoon, LB, Missouri. Quick: Name two of the Eagles' starting linebackers. This position has gone with stop-gaps for long enough. Weatherspoon gives Philly a multidimensional threat at the position.
25 Baltimore Ravens - Golden Tate, WR, Notre Dame. Tate will be a nice third option in the Ravens' offense behind Anquan Boldin and Derrick Mason.
26 Arizona Cardinals - Dan Williams, DT, Tennessee. It's hard for teams to convince themselves to use a top pick on a DT who can't rush the passer, but the Cardinals are convinced that Dan Williams can be the player they thought they were getting in Alan Branch.
27 Dallas Cowboys - Jared Odrick, DT, Penn St. Dallas would love to trade out of this position. They take a player who can play inside or outside in their 3-4 scheme.
28 San Diego Chargers - Ryan Matthews, RB, Fresno State. There's nothing on the Chargers' roster where "starting running back" should be.
29 New York Jets - Everson Griffen, DE, Southern Cal. Trust Rex Ryan to find a way to use the effective West Coast pass rusher in his defense.
30 Minnesota Vikings - Jimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame. The Vikings will hope that Clausen can develop behind Brett Favre the way that Aaron Rogers did.
31 Indianapolis Colts - Carlos Dunlap, DE, Florida. The Colts were hampered by their lack of depth behind Dwight Freeney. The Colts are always good at building their lines.
32 New Orleans Saints - Brian Price, DT, UCLA. Could pair with developing DT Sedrick Ellis for a fierce one-gap interior tandem.

Arizona Cardinals Draft:
1 (26) Dan Williams, DT, Tennessee
2 (58) Brandon Ghee, CB, Wake Forest - The Cards looked for an ILB here, but there was no one on the board. You can never have too many good cornerbacks, especially when you're one injury away from starting "Money" Michael Adams.
3A (88) Sean Lee, LB, Penn State - Cards are taking a huge risk on a player with first-round talent but a fifth-round body.
3B (89) Thaddeus Gibson, LB, Ohio State - Cards have to load up on a youth and talent movement if they can't get high-round talent.
4 (120) George Selvie, DE, South Florida - Will play outside linebacker for the Cards.
6 (185) Jim Dray, TE, Stanford - He blocks people, and will become a threat in the passing game over time. Possesses immense untapped potential.
7 (217) Chris Marinelli, OT, Stanford - The Cardinals look to the Cardinal back-to-back to end the draft. Marinelli was a four-year starter for Stanford, but shoulder injuries held him back as a senior.

Competitive Me

2009-08-27T15:43:00.000-07:00

I am the eldest of five siblings. My three youngest siblings, two brothers and a sister, all competed in varsity-level high school athletics in at least two sports. I've written about my own athletic experiences before.

In the past two years, two family friends have joined the ranks of Division I NCAA athletics. At least one of my brothers could have played football at the Div. IAA level (probably). When we were visiting with one of these student-athletes, The Boss was singing the athletic praises of his progeny.

At a certain point, The Boss pointed at me and said that I was a pretty good athlete. We both knew that this wasn't the case. I was a pudgy kid growing up and didn't really come out of it until my mid-20s. Even then, in the greatest physical condition of my life, I was not a good athlete. What I was great at was a competitor. I've always been a great competitor.

It's not easy being a competitor without talent. It makes you a terrible teammate. In graduate school I left a shattered Ultimate Frisbee team in my wake. I'll never understand people who like to practice, who want to go out and kick a ball around or have a catch without preparation for anything. You have to practice if you want to be good. If you want to compete, you have to have a certain amount of skill.

But when you're a competitor, losing is not fun. Practicing twice a week in order to get thumped 21-3 isn't fun. I've never understood my teammates who liked to go out there and just run around. If you're not interesting in winning, then why are you playing? Playing a close match and then losing isn't fun, but it's rewarding in the moment. Being non-competitive isn't fun.

A couple of weeks ago, a good friend invited me to play indoor soccer with him. My wife did not think that was a good idea. When we were in college, we all played co-ed intramural soccer on another team that lacked talent and skill. In that league, I got so frustrated on game that I semi-accidentally laid out a opposing player while playing defense. This wouldn't have been such a big deal if that player hadn't have been a girl.

I'm approaching middle age, now. My competitive juices are still high, but the outlets for that competitive drive are reducing. I do not want to be that sad 35-year-old at the YMCA trying to run with guys in their early 20s in pickup basketball games. I'm sure that I'm not alone in this. The drive to compete always outpaces our ability to do so. This explains why golf is so popular with men of a certain age, the free Texas Hold'em tournaments at many bars on Monday or Tuesday nights, and the aged gentlemen who populate so many racquetball courts.

I think this also explains the sudden, runaway popularity of on-line gaming. It's not just college students who are gobbling up copies of Madden 10. A commercial in regular rotation features men in their early 30s unpacking Madden shortly after the game becomes available at midnight (and, interestingly, denying it to one another). One of the features of the last two editions of Madden has been expanded on-line game play. For a small fee, content providers will match you with players of similar skill set for a competitive game. The providers track your ranking and your record. Some services even allow you to taunt your opponent over an add-on microphone headset.

Playing Madden on-line is a fun and frustrating experience. But it doesn't replace being able to actually compete. I just don't think that I'm really ready to hang it up yet. I'll see you on the court at the Y.

Summer Movie Reviews: Bruno

2009-08-13T14:19:00.000-07:00

It's difficult to categorize Sacha Baron Cohen. With his combination of completely developed characters and surprise arrivals in real situations, he's been compared to Andy Kaufman. His comedic roles in fictional movies such as Sweeney Todd and Talladega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby suggests that he's a gifted comic actor as well as a gifted, fearless improvisationalist.

The lucky ones among you knew about Cohen from his three-season run on HBO's Da Ali G Show, where he portrayed a variety of clueless characters in white-boy hip-hopper Ali G, Kazakh reporter Borat, and gay Austrian fashionista Bruno. All three have transitioned into feature films, but while Ali G's feature-length 2002 outing was quickly forgotten and remains unseen by this reviewer, Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan was an enormous success, making over $26 million in its opening weekend, over $128 million in American box office, and making a gigantic star out of the chameleon in the title role.

The reasons for the success of Borat is a little difficult to describe. Without question, Bruno was a hilarious character, but the most memorable moments in that film aren't the things that Bruno does, but the things that Bruno somehow convinces his victims to do. The genius of Cohen's work here is to hold up a mirror not only to the ridiculousness and close-mindedness of rural, red-state America, but also to turn the same lens on the liberal elites and their seeming willingness to smooth over awkward cultural differences. Borat came out at a perfect time. In late 2006, America had largely turned on the swaggering cowboy image of American foreign policy under the Bush Administration, and Borat seemed to satirize some of those assumptions. Bruno comes out in a very different atmosphere.

While Borat seemed backward, he was largely harmless. He comes from a foreign country that most Americans have never heard of (and possibly assume is made up), and his views seem quaint, like something a particularly senile great-uncle would express. Bruno is, instead, in his late 20s and seems largely economically empowered. He's also very, very upfront about his sexuality.

As with Borat, the plot of Bruno is largely unneccessary and uninteresting. One wonders why Cohen and his collaborators even bother putting together a narrative at all. It would seem just as useful to use the more episodic logic of the Jackass series of films. But, there is a plot, so let me summarize it: After an incident at Milan Fashion Week, Bruno is fired from his job as a gay fashion icon in his beloved Austria. As a reaction, he decides that his best option is to go to America and become a celebrity. This leads him on various adventures, from being an extra on NBC's Medium, to trying to trick former Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul into making a sex tape, to brokering peace in the Middle East. Along the way, he learns an important lesson about life and love.

If you are afraid of the male organ, this is not the movie for you. The first 10 minutes of the film are some of the most provocative and offensive that I have seen in a mainstream picture. Or any picture. It's difficult to get a bead on the politics of Bruno. Bruno is a charicature of the right-wing's view of homosexuality and what gay sex is. If Bruno had been a bigger hit, this question probably would have been discussed more in the popular culture.

When I went to see this film in a local cinema, my ID was checked at the door and again when I entered the theatre. This movie is not appropriate for any children, and it's difficult to understand how this walked away with an R rating instead of an NC-17. Despite the difficulty getting in, my Friday afternoon screening was packed with people. There was laughter in the audience, but it's difficult to tell how much of it was genuine. Bruno is such an in-your-face experience that frequently the only response is laughter, but I found myself checking the reactions of members of the audience more than I have in almost any movie.

Which isn't to say that Bruno isn't a very, very funny movie. The film is at its funniest when Cohen takes aim at those who broker in celebrity or desperately seek celebrity for themselves or others. The standout moments for me were when Bruno speaks to a couple of celebrity consultants on what will be the next big issue ("George Clooney has Darfur. I'm looking for Dar-five."), and a hilarious sequence when Bruno asks parents what their children would be willing to do to get cast in a photo shoot.

My feeling is that America responded with some ambivalence to Bruno. This has something to do with the rank sexuality on display in the movie; something with which Americans continue to struggle with. While America is currently engaged in a deep debate about health care, it's certainly true that it wasn't long ago that the status of America's gays were at the forefront of the debate. Ultimately, Bruno seems much more unfocused than Borat, which seemed to have a clear thesis. Despite this lack of focus, Bruno is a successful, funny movie, that you'll never, ever, ever seen re-run on USA. What's more interesting is what Cohen will do next. His star has risen to such an extent that it's difficult to believe that he'll continue to find willing patsies for his stunts. Lets hope that he continues to find projects, because ultimately Sacha Baron Cohen is a fresh voice in American comedy.

Final Verdict: Better than Pineapple Express but not as good as Hellboy 2: The Golden Army.

Summer Movie Reviews: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

2009-07-16T07:41:00.001-07:00

It's not clear whether Michael Bay set out to destroy cinema with Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen or if it was merely a happy accident.

It's become popular sport to fix Michael Bay in critical crosshairs and fire away. There's no question that Bad Boys and Bad Boys II are terrible, terrible movies. And that The Island and Pearl Harbor are bloated abmominations. But when Bay makes contact, he can hit the ball out of the park. Both The Rock and Armageddon are incredibly successful summer action movies. When these films come on cable, their light diversions with humor and action in equal measure. They're successful in small doses, just not at the 136 (The Rock) and 150 minute (Armageddon) doses they're originally measured in. Break those tablets in half.

When the first Transformers movie came out in 2007, I made the conscious decision that I was going to avoid paying eight bucks for a movie about giant fighting robots and watch it when it came out on DVD. When I finally got around to screening it, my ultimate reaction was to be deeply underwhelmed. It was deeply... all right. After all the critical response, I wasn't surprised that the robots looked like indistinguishable piles of wadded garbage. What I was surprised about was that the movie, despite the title, wasn't about Transformers at all. It seems an odd decision for a director to take up a project that focuses on giant fighting robots when his clear interest has nothing to do with the giant fighting robots.

So what to make of this sequel? If you liked what you got in Transformers, then you'll probably like Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. If you were lukewarm about the first film, then there are probably some questions that you want to ask yourself:

Are you interested in the Tranformers themselves? If your answer is yes, then this is not the film for you. Yes, this film has transformers in them, but they're almost always in the background doing something indistinguishable. The robots have no personalities and no features that make them unique. This movie could feature 10 different sentient, alien robots or 50 and I couldn't really argue with you one way or the other. Michael Bay cares not for giant fighting alien robots.

Are you interested in Shia LaBeouf's Sam Witwicky? If so, then welcome to your dream. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is almost exclusively about Sam's adventures. The camera is almost exclusively concerned with him. Why anyone should care about Sam is never made exclusively clear, but he talks to a lot of people. If you're interested in how many hot coeds at Princeton University (and every woman at Princeton is seven hundred times hotter than any Pac 10 or SEC coed) are consumed with getting into Sam's britches, you've found your movie.

Are you interested in movies with plot? Then stay away from this film. Even by standards of summer action flicks, this movie lacks anything that resembles a sensible plot. There are a couple of Maguffins that have to be found for some reason, and there's a lot of running around, but there's not much rhyme or reason to it. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is the kind of movie that shows a Kosher deli that features an icebox full of frozen pigs. A Kosher deli!

What Michael Bay is able to do is put together arresting, beautiful images. Any screen capture that you'll see from this film is remarkable. This is true of most of his other films, as well. But Bay doesn't care to use his images for any larger purpose. They don't build toward emotion or meaning. They are a sequence of arresting images without a reason for being. It's difficult to tell whether Bay hates his audience, or merely doesn't really care that they exist.

There's a lot to hate about this movie, whether it's the regressive gender and racial stereotypes, the lack of any kind of logical story, the loud stupidity of it, the crass attempts at humor (why would a giant composite robot need testicles?), the horrifying spectacle of nameless soldiers drowning, or the 150 minute run time. What there is to like is that... well, Megan Fox is easy on the eyes and filmed in the most explotatitve way possible, and there are two or three generally entertaining moments scattered among the intiminable 150 minute run time.

Final Verdict: (Much, much) worse than Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull but (maybe) better than having your eyes consumed by a swarm of carnivorous termites.

R.I.P. Daisy Miller Buchanan Feneck Kamper

2009-06-26T09:14:00.000-07:00

We will miss you very, very, very much. Heaven doesn't know the kind of trouble they're in for.

My Top 10 Favorite Movies of All Time

2009-06-19T14:30:00.000-07:00

On the eve of my family's annual vacation to California (which I'm sorry to say I am not able to attend this year), I thought I'd join in on their project of ranking everyone's Top 10 movies of all time. Here is my personal, subjective list. The list is submitted for entertainment purposes only and should not be used as a guide for what are or are not "good movies." You're reading a guy who in all likelihood is going to be seeing Year One this weekend, non-ironically.

Pulp Fiction (1994) Quentin Tarantino's breakthrough film entered the pop cultural mainstream quickly, and its images remain indelible fifteen years later. While in memory this movie seems schizophrenic in its execution, the real mastery of the film is how well it fits together in practice. There are few cooler characters in cinema than Samuel L. Jackson's Jules Winnfield. Also one of the best soundtracks from any movie ever.
Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964) Of all of Stanley Kubrick's fantastic movies, I think that Strangelove remains the most approachable. One hundred and fifty years from now, when students wonder what the Cold War was like, I hope that they turn to this movie. It's incredible that this movie was made in 1964, when the Cold War was still thirty-five years from coming to an end. Deeply, darkly funny, with a fantastic early appearance by James Earl Jones.
Almost Famous (2000) I saw this movie with a good friend when he was going through a troubled weekend. This was one of the first movies where I felt that the filmmaker was really speaking to my own experience. In Almost Famous, Cameron Crowe made a movie that I think perfectly described the experience of being a bright young man. This is a special, special movie to me. Another film with a remarkable soundtrack.
Aliens (1986) There are great science fiction movies, and great action movies, but James Cameron here made a great science fiction action movie. Ridley Scott's Alien feels a little slow and dated today, but this sequel holds up excellently. Heroine Ellen Ripley remains one of the most powerful female figures in cinema, and it's a shame that there haven't been more characters to carry her tradition forward into the 21st Century.
Jaws (1975) Another nearly perfect film. I've seen this movie maybe fifteen times in the past five years, and I find more things to enjoy about it every year. Spielberg brought a television aesthetic to the big screen, and the techniques he brought remain salient nearly thirty-five years later. Robert Shaw's Quint is a fantastic character that has few peers.
Goodfellas (1990) Few movies are as quotable as this Martin Scorcese classic. Another movie with a fantastic soundtrack, Goodfellas presents an apotheosis of the Scorcese method that combines the best parts of his earlier work in The Color of Money (a lost classic) and Raging Bull (which is better in memory perhaps than it is in fact).
Silence of the Lambs (1991) This is a film that constant re-airing on cable has not ruined. Every time it comes on, no matter how recently I've seen it, this Jonathan Demme film is riveting. Too much credit is perhaps given today to the admittedly great performance by Anthony Hopkins, when the script is excellently put together and the rest of the cast is well-utilized.
Say Anything (1989) I first saw this film when I was a very young man trying to figure out how I should operate in the world I was growing into. John Cusack's Lloyd Dobler gave me a kind of framework for the man that I wanted to become. Yes, he's a little bit of a doormat, and yes, Cusack's Dobler has ruined a generation of women on what a man should be like (if you haven't ever read Chuck Klosterman's "This Is Emo" on the subject, you really should). But anyone who says that this movie isn't good needs to re-watch the dinner scene with John Mahoney, Ione Skye, and Cusack.
Heat (1995) A great thriller from Michael Mann. A movie with one of the all-time great ensemble casts (Robert DeNiro, Al Pacino, Val Kilmer, Jon Voight, Amy Brenneman, Ashley Judd, Natalie Portman, etc., etc), it really described "cool" to me for a really long time. The dialogue crackles, even if Pacino's Detective Hanna hasn't aged as well as maybe we could have hoped.
The Princess Bride (1987) Not loving The Princess Bride says more about the person who doesn't love it than it does about the film. This is a movie that any person, of any age, should find something to love inside. The William Goldman novel is a pleasure to read, but the addition of the framing device of a grandfather reading to his sick, fiesty grandson really takes this film over the top. I've never really been able to understand why Carey Elwes and Robin Wright never became bigger movie stars.

Honorable Mentions: Unforgiven (1992), The Incredibles (2004), Moulin Rouge! (2001), Se7en (1995), Field of Dreams (1989).

Looking at my list, a couple of things occur to me. One is that apparently it's true that things are never as good as they were when the individual was growing up. Seven of the ten movies on my list were released between my seventh and fifteenth birthdays. I want to say that this is because the years of 1987 and 1995 were a Second Golden Age for films, but I think that this is because these are movies that I associate with a certain time in my life. They were movies that really taught me how to love movies, and they happen to be ones I return to.

I also think that I'm especially attacted to movies with excellent pop soundtracks. I'm one of the few people I know who regularly buy movie soundtracks, and Goodfells and Pulp Fiction especially are movies that take advantage of their soundtracks, making certain songs impossible to hear without imagining their associated scenes. The two Cameron Crowe movies are very similar for me.

Finally, I'm going to admit that I'm a blatant apologist for Cameron Crowe. While I haven't seen Singles (and can't get anyone to watch it with me), I will make excuses for every single one of his films and how they're underappreciated. Yes, even Vanilla Sky and Elizabethtown.

Super Summer Movie Reviews: Up, Land of the Lost, Drag Me To Hell

2009-06-18T13:04:00.000-07:00

Let me begin by saying that afternoon television during the summer is some dire, dire straits. Terrible. And the prime-time viewing isn't much better. Surprisingly, it's better at the end of the week (with Top Chef Masters, Burn Notice, and Harper's Island on Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday), which means that we can skip the cinema during the weekend and pick up with the much lighter crowds during the week, when I should really be working, but Leah gets bored.

Leah and I did make it out to the AMC Mesa Grand Cinemas on opening weekend to see the new Pixar outing Up. We are running out of superlatives to lay on Pixar movies. It would be hard to surpass a movie that was as excellent as last summer's masterpiece, WallE. So Pixar didn't really bother to try. Instead of a cosmic love story, Pixar brings us an intimate portrait of a man dealing with his grief.

The movie begins with 10 of the most affecting minutes in recent memory. A young man who fancies himself an adventurer runs into a young woman named Ellie, who immediately forge a friendship that, we discover in montage, develops into a romance, then a thirty-plus year marraige. And then the Carl Fredrickson, now old and voiced by Ed Asner, is left a widower. He becomes largely a shut-in in his own home, mourning his life partner and the great adventure they never took: to an unexpored South American wilderness.

The crotchety man eventually finds his home surrounded by the encroaching city, in images that evoke the children's story The Little Red House. When Carl assaults a worker on a neighboring construction site (the sight of blood in a cartoon is striking), he is compelled to abandon his home (to whom he speaks as an avatar for his lost wife) and is moved into an assistated living facility. But before the sentence can be carried out, Fredrickson tethers several thousand balloons to his house and releases them, sending him and a certain stowaway on their adventure, which features a pack of talking dogs, an eight-foot tropical bird, and an eighty-foot dirigible.

Visually, Up reminds me of The Incredibles, which was anoter fantastic Pixar film, but I think that this is a movie that makes fewer compromises than any of the Pixar movies other than WallE. It would have been easy for a lesser studio to allow the house to become the emotional stand-in for Ellie, but the filmmakers here resist that urge. When Carl speaks to the house, it remains simply a house to us, which makes his loneliness that much more effecting for the audience.

Up leads to a fairly predictible final act, but, as with most of the best Pixar movies, the first two acts are well-observed enough to redeem the ultimate sop thrown to the kids, who are (ostensibly) the target audience for the film.

Final Verdict: Better than Iron Man, not quite as good as The Dark Knight.

I have no memory of the (un?)intentionally cheesy television series Land of the Lost. To the best of my knowledge, I've never seen it. But I've heard enough from others to have some idea what a "Sleestak" was before I walked into the theatre. I'd also seen enough Will Farrell comedies to understand that Farrell is very much like pizza: even when he's bad, he's still pretty good.

The plot of the film is largely beside the point. It's kind of a shaggy dog, but here it is: Farrell is Dr. Rick Marshall, who has an outre theory about alternate universes. After he shares his theory on the Today show with Matt Lauer, his career goes down in flames (although he gains YouTube immortality). Marshall ends up performing science demonstrations for children at the museum at the LaBrea Tar Pits, until a comely PhD student (Anna Friel) convinces him that there is evidence supporting his theory. They travel to a roadside attraction, where they accidentially bring the attraction huckster (Danny McBride) to the titular Land of the Lost. Hijinks ensue.

The issue with Will Farrell movies is that it's difficult to ascertain whether the preview represents merely the hilarity that isn't seen (such as in Anchorman or Talledega Nights) or whether there is very little there there after the ten good minutes that you get from assembling the different clips from the preivews together (Stepbrothers, Semi-Pro, Blades of Glory, etc., etc.). Land of the Lost falls firmly into this latter camp. The previews suckered our $14 out of our pockets, but we left feeling rather empty and disappointed. Not a terrible way to spend a Monday mid-day, but probably not the best way, either.

Final Verdict: Not as good as The Incredible Hulk, and maybe slightly better than Stepbrothers.

The Sam Raimi cult has escaped me for nearly 30 years now. I've seen Army of Darkness, and thought it was pretty funny and interestingly chaotic. The Spiderman movies were fun for what they were and kind of went off the rails with the third entry. 2000's The Gift, with Cate Blanchett, is a really quality movie. But I've never really understood the hipster obsession with the guy. Maybe I need to break down an evenually rent the Evil Dead movies. I'll do that... next weekend. Are people so forgiving of the guy who brought America The Quick and the Dead and For the Love of the Game?

Raimi's latest effort returns him to the horror genre. Drag Me To Hell stars Alison Lohman (who has one of those faces that constantly tickles the back of my mind and makes me wonder where I've seen her before. She's appeared as the younger princess [I think] in Beowulf, but I may instead remember her as the young love interest in Big Fish. I have no idea.) as Christine Brown. Christine is an ambitious bank clerk whose boss believes that she might not be quite tough enough to take over as Assistant Manager. To prove her backbone, she denies a mortgage extension to a pathetic Gypsy woman. In revenge, the Gypsy woman places a curse on Brown that will last three days before she is... well, the title will give you the idea.

Raimi seems at his best when he's daring his audience to believe what is actually happening on screen. I am not a horror movie afficionado, but this film seems to occupy a different space than more traditional horror movies like the Halloween series or the torture porn series like Saw. I'm told that Raimi is the master of horror comedy, but this movie doesn't offer a lot of scares, or a lot of laughs. There are moments (like when characters refer to Christine's past as a heavy farm girl) that seem undeveloped and make me wonder whether a director's cut of this movie might be more successful. Lohman is an appealing presence as far as she goes, as is her professor boyfriend Justin Long.

Ultimately, Drag Me To Hell is the kind of likeable, forgettable movie that you probably won't regret seeing, but won't stay with you in any meaningful way. It seems like the kind of movie that was really, really difficult to market. This will make a fine rental for millions of Americans in six months.

Final Verdict: Better than Pineapple Express, but not as good as Hellboy 2: The Golden Army.

Summer Movie Reviews: Terminator: Salvation

2009-06-03T13:12:00.000-07:00

The new McG movie Terminator:Salvation doesn't really have a reason to exist. It suffers from the same irrelevance that Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines suffered from. Viewers who have seen the first two Terminators (which are among the best of the sci-fi action genre and directed by James Cameron) know that Skynet eventually becomes self-aware and brings about Judgement Day, pre-emtively launching nuclear strikes against humanity, or something.

Terminator: Salvation picks up some time after Judgement Day happens. The Resistance has been fromed, but John Connor (Christian Bale) is not the prophesied leader of the resistence. He leads only a band of freedom fighters somewhere in the American southwest (ostensibly), taking his orders from a submarine hiding beneath the Pacific and issuing orders across the world (apparently). The bulk of the movie follows Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington), who wakes suddenly in the Los Angeles area after we had seen him executed by leathal injection sometime in the 1990s in the film's prologue.

If none of this makes sense, it is not for my lack of trying as much as the filmmaker's. Whether you'll like this movie really will depend on how much you liked Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines. If you go to a Terminator movie looking to watch fighting robots and humans trying to fight largely indestructable robots, and to see the fighting humans/robots destroy block upon city block, you'll likely be entertained. If you're interested in caring about these characters, you're probably out of luck.

CHUD.com has a great write-up of what happened with the development of Terminator:Salvation and some theories about why the film ultimately went so far off the rails. What is really original and interesting about this film is this is the first glance we really get of Skynet. It's telling that Skynet, visiged in part by Helena Bonham Carter, is probably the most human presence in the movie's run-time. It definitely had the best screen presence and the most insightful ideas about how humanity functions.

The biggest failing of the film is that, ultimately, McG and his collaborators don't really make the argument for why the audience should cheer for John Connor & Co. over Skynet.

Final Verdict: Better than Stepbrothers, but not as good as The Incredible Hulk.

Man, I'm missing me some comic book movies.

Teaching Talk: Designing a Syllabus

2009-05-26T13:02:00.000-07:00

The first assignment I ask my ENG 101 students to write is a two-page brochure on the topic of "So You've Decided to Teach Me English." It's a fun assignment for the students to perform, I think. I have them write a column on their personal biography, their interests, and their writing experiences.

One thing that almost always comes up is that students will invariably say, "I am good at writing about things that I'm interested in, but too often I get frustrated when teachers assign me work that I don't care about." As an instructor, this is challenging, because there's no way that I can tailor a classroom experience to 26 different students and their varying interests.

Not that I haven't tried in the past. When I first started teaching, I let the students write about whatever they desired, as long as the essays were of the type that I'd defined by the syllabus. Paradoxically, the students tended to be paralyzed by indecision. Without having some limit on their field of vision, they ultimately procrastinated on choosing a topic until they selected whatever seemed to be in front of them at the time. Once, I had a compare & contrast essay submitted to me on the difference between shell-toe sneakers and some other kind.

More recently, I've decided that I'd narrow their options some. It's hard. My dad is driven crazy by what I ask my students to do because I'm not asking anyone to write about Shakespeare or something. He doesn't understand that ENG 101 is not, really, an English class. It's definitely not a literature class. Among my one hundred students, maybe five are interested in pursuing English as a major. These students have also been discouraged for the last five-plus years by thinking that the essay is a chore that you write in response to a text that they didn't care about and likely didn't even read. They can put together a five-paragraph essay that you describe to them, but that's not the kind of person that I want to create when they leave my classroom.

So I've given them larger topics for discussion for each essay. The last two years, students have written on sports (with examples from Chuck Klosterman and David Foster Wallace), education, gender issues, and something political that I'm generally deciding at the last possible moment (this year it was evaluating Obama's first 100 days). There are still students who resist, but there's not much I can do about that. My general hope is that I can limit their options, and then allow my own promiscuous interests ("Promiscuous Boy" was nearly the name for this very blog) and my enthusiasm to carry them along the road.

I'm also teaching a summer session of ENG 101, beginning June 1. In the past, I've focused on movies during the summer (for reasons that readers of this blog should find obvious). After doing that for two years, I've come to the conclusion that it's a little much to ask students to focus on movies for five straight weeks and 20-30 pages of writing.

This summer, I'm going to try letting their first two essays be about movies. The first one is about an experience of going to the cinema. The second is one of my favorites: comparing Jaws to a summer blockbuster of their choice. Then I'm going to try something new. I think I'm going to ask them to evaluate their experience as a tourist. I'm not sure what I'll have them read as an example, but I'm thinking I'll give them one of David Foster Wallace's essays, either "Ticket to the Fair" or "Consider the Lobster." Finally, I'm going to ask them to critique an album released in the last two years, adding research as they go.

I'm pretty excited. It's always fun to vary the syllabus. A five-week summer session is pretty grueling for students who have been educated for (likely) the past 14 years. The students really don't have a chance to process what they're learning like they are more able to do in a traditional semester.

I think all teachers design (or should design) their courses to appeal to the students that they were (or they remember themselves being). I think this leads me to challenge my students more than they really expect. But I think the 18 year old me would like the amount of independent work that I ask students to do, even if he would have loathed the peer review process that the college environment requires.

Summer Movie Reviews: Angels and Demons

2009-05-22T10:48:00.000-07:00

It's refreshing to go and see a movie that isn't made with people like myself in mind.

I am a 29-year-old, white, upper-middle class male. For over ten years, almost every film and television series has been specially calibrated to appeal to me, or at least, someone like me. When I was in college, I'd occasionally take free movie passes for films that were in post production and the studio would want to preview for test audiences. I saw Pitch Black, Gone in 60 Seconds, Payback, and a couple other movies this way. They were all fine, but the one thing that I noticed that separated me from the studios' ideal moviegoer was that I see upwards of thirty first-run movies a year. I'm guessing this puts me well above the average.

Angels and Demons is the follow-up to The DaVinci Code, and while the original Dan Brown novel takes place before the events of The DaVinci Code, A&D is set a couple of years later, which is alluded to through a handful of knowing glances between the hero Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) and a handful of Vatican officials (Stellan Skarsgard and Armin Mueller-Stahl). The plot is pretty stupid: the pope has died, and as the College of Cardinals convenes to nominate a new pope, an ancient group called the Illuminati have kidnapped the four most likely successors, as well as a canister of anti-matter, which has the capability of vaporizing Vatican City "in light" (get it? They're the "Illuminati"? Light? This is the level that Angels and Demons functions on). Tom Hanks and a comely physicist (Ayelet Zurer) are enlisted by the Vatican police to locate the missing Cardinals as well as to recover the antimatter before it is released at midnight.

The DaVinci Code worked like a solid puzzle videogame, like Myst. There were puzzles to be solved, unlocking doors and solving riddles to get to the next level of the story. Where The DaVinci Code probably failed was in underestimating the intelligence of their audience. In case you didn't understand that a "V" was the cup, and the "A" was the arrow, director Ron Howard would helpfully(?) highlight the solutions for you. Thanks, Ron.

Angels and Demons is for people who found the puzzles and solutions in DaVinci too confusing. The puzzles are totally absent, replaced with angels who point the way to every solution. The dramatic moments in Angels and Demons is exclusively people standing in various locales around Rome, looking around for the next arrow to point the way. Because the threats only come every hour on the hour, after one puzzle is solved, the heroes stand around for 45 minutes until panickingly deciding that they better go get the next clue.

Leah and I were the youngest adults in the theatre at our 3:30 screening on Sunday. The group in front of us was four women in their late 60s or early 70s. This is a movie designed for them. It's in many ways a big-screen version of CSI: the characters are largely ciphers, but there is an urgent mystery in a foreign locale. These are the kinds of mystery novels that my grandmother adores.

Also like CSI, Angels and Demons is incredibly violent. People are branded, burned alive, drowned, shot, an eye is removed from a corpse's head. It's shocking that this movie earned a PG-13 rating. Apparently you can brand four elderly men and it's okay for the kids to see, but if you use the F-word or show a booby, then that's only safe for adults.

For performances, Tom Hanks brings less to Robert Langdon in this film than he did in the previous one. I wonder, after failing to show interest in adorable Audrey Tatou in the first film and not giving Ms. Zurer a second glance in this one, whether Langdon is supposed to be gay. Perhaps he's just studious? The most enjoyable performances come from Skarsgard and Mueller-Stahl, although Ewan MacGregor is also enjoyable as a young priest invested with the administrative powers of the pope until a new one is found.

If you haven't seen Angels and Demons by now, there's really no reason to. Go see the new Terminator movie.

Final Verdict: Not as good as Stepbrothers, but (probably) better than Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

NFL Pre-Camp Power Rankings

2009-05-19T10:12:00.000-07:00

The NFL Draft is over, and teams are beginning their offseason Organized Training Activities (OTAs). These are largely voluntary, but there will be a handful of players who are lost for the season during this time, and there will be some stories about players who are staying away because they have contract squabbles (like the Arizona Cardinals' own Anquan Boldin and Darnell Dockett).

But, this little lull between the draft and training camps/rookie contract holdouts gives a good time to put together a little unnecessary, uninformative, premature NFL Power Rankings.

New England Patriots - Got younger on defense and return the best player in the NFL in quaterback Tom Brady.
New York Giants - Did an excellent job in adding to their strength along the defensive line through free agency. The only question is whether Eli Manning can make the big play when he needs to, and whether the weapons are there on the outside for him to be able to.
Pittsburgh Steelers - The defending champs added depth through the draft, but are beginning a transition on the defensive side of the football. Ben Roethlisberger will continue to present matchup problems to defensive coordinators.
San Diego Chargers - I'm still not a big believer in Phillip Rivers, but their defense gets better with the return of Shawne Merriman and the addition of Larry English. They will likely get fat off of a down division, as well.
Indianapolis Colts - Turmoil on the sidelines is mitigated by the calming influence of their Hall of Fame quarterback. Their defense has to get better this season, as well.
Arizona Cardinals - The Cards should enter the season as the second-best team in their conference. The offense gets better with the addition of RB Beanie Wells, and the defense gets better with the subtraction of DC Clancy Pendergast.
Philadelphia Eagles - With perhaps the most talented offensive line in the NFL and a great tandem of running backs, Donovan McNabb is running out of excuses to win. If Jim Johnson does not return to his defensive coordinator duties, this ranking could drop.
Minnesota Vikings - I like the addition of Percy Harvin, and I think the Vikings' defense will remain the best in their division. It shouldn't matter who their quarterback is, because Adrian Peterson should contend for NFL MVP honors in his third season.
Tennessee Titans - Losing DT Albert Haynesworth will hurt, but this team is too well-coached and well-prepared to slip too much.
Dallas Cowboys - Cutting WR Terrell Owens should help the Cowboys become a better team by allowing them to get the ball out of the hands of Tony Romo and into the hands of Marion Barber. Whether that actually happens is an open question.
Baltimore Ravens - I expect QB Joe Flacco to regress some in his second season as teams work to figure him out. I wonder if they have the playmaking ability on offense to make up for the departure of Rex Ryan.
Miami Dolphins - This is another team that isn't going to surprise anyone. It's possible that winning last season sets this team back in the long term. I'm not sure you can win in the AFC East with Ted Ginn, Jr. and Greg Camarillo as your starting wideouts.
Carolina Panthers - I like John Fox, I like Steve Smith, and I like the Carolina Panthers. But it's not clear that this defense is ready for prime time, and it's possible that Franchise Player Julius Peppers burns this team to the ground.
Washington Redskins - This should be the sleeper team of the 2009 season. I like Jason Campbell, and I like Clinton Portis. They have a solid defense and very good cornerbacks. The question is whether this team has the mental toughness to overcome adversity.
Houston Texans - This is the team that again will be the well-publicized sleeper of the 2009 offseason. They can be very good, but it's asking a lot for quarterback Matt Schaub to stay healthy for 16 games to lead the team.
Atlanta Falcons - I expect Matt Ryan to experience a slight sophomore slump and for Michael Turner not to be the dynamic back he was the year before. More than that, I don't think that the Falcons' defense is going to be able to keep them competitive as they transition to a youth movement.
Green Bay Packers - Aaron Rogers can get the job done for the Packers, but it takes a couple years to transition to a 3-4 defense unless you have a very creative coordinator. Another question is whether Ryan Grant is really the runner that can lead the Packers back to consistent achievement.
Chicago Bears - Jay Cutler isn't going to see anywhere near the kind of protection he got in Denver, either from the running game or the offensive line. The bigger question is whether this aging defense can locate the fountain of youth.
New Orleans Saints - The offense is there, although they still lack a power runner (New Orleans would make a great landing place for Edgerrin James). The defense remains a work in progress, and may not take the pressure off the O this season until it's too late.
New York Jets - The pieces are in place. The offensive personnel are largely there (although they could use a more consistent outside playmaker), and the defenive personnel are there. The only question is whether this team will be able to assimilate new systems quickly enough, and how fast Kellen Clemens or Mark Sanchez can mature.
Jacksonville Jaguars - The Jackonville Jaguars secured their long-term future through their 2009 NFL draft. Unfortunately, I don't think that Jack Del Rio will be around to reap the rewards.
San Francisco 49ers - I am not a believer in Mike Singletary, because I saw his earlier iteration as Dave McGinnis.
Seattle Seahawks - This team is just too old right now to succeed. I don't like their defensive personnel, and I don't think they have the running back to close out games.
Cincinnati Bengals - The departure of T.J. Houshmanzadeh will hurt them more than people expect, and I don't think the defense is going to be there to staunch the bleeding.
Oakland Raiders - JaMarcus Russell may end up a good NFL quarterback, but I don't think the coaching staff has the wherewithal to let him develop by not passing the ball as often.
Buffalo Bills - I really want to like this team, but their offensive line is not good enough, and their division is too good.
Denver Broncos - The Denver defense is going to be a work in progress, as will Josh McDaniels. Knowshon Moreno is going to be very good, but I think this team is a year away.
Kansas City Chiefs - What about the Kansas City Chiefs is going to scare anyone? This team is going to have to purge their veteran leadership and hope that some of their young players are going to be willing to step up.
Cleveland Browns - Teams very rarely succeed when they go into the season with a quarterback controversy.
Detroit Lions - Bold prediction: the Lions will win at least one game this season. Tony Sparano will turn this team around, but the defense just is not good enough to carry the team.
St. Louis Rams - It's difficult to understand what the plan is with the Rams. They have a terrible defense and a terrible offense.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers - It's been a long time since the Bucs were the class of the NFL. It's almost impossible to guess who the best player on this team is right now. If your best player was in the Canadian Football League a year ago, you're probably not very good.

Summer Movies: Star Trek

2009-05-14T07:53:00.000-07:00

On the Saturday when I saw the new J.J. Abrams reboot of the beleaguered Star Trek franchise, Paul Verhoevens's 1997 Starship Troopers was playing on the television at my gym. When I first saw Troopers, I didn't really get it. In part, this could have been because I was 17 and took everything way too seriously at the time. I couldn't get over the fact that all the characters happily accepted fascism and the form of the movie (it's presented in a kind of 129 min. recruitment film) seemed over the top.

Watched today, Starship Troopers seems a masterpiece of prescient satire, not only of the sci-fi military films like Aliens, but also of what cable news would become in the decade that follows. The characters in Troopers are all easily-recognized tropes, and easy to look at. But the movie features a number of excellent action setpieces strung together with rather silly character work by young actors like Neil Patrick Harris, Dina Meyer, Denise Richards, and Casper Van Diem. The movie doesn't beg for deeper analysis; it just exists as fun, escapist entertainment.

Star Trek wasn't originally conceived as escapist entertainment. The original television show and the many, many offspring of it (including the original movies) sought to explore the clash of cultures and responsibilities that come as man explores deeper into the world. There's a self-seriousness about the original series (and cast) that became easy to parody and has become more and more ridiculous as America's horizon became more and more reduced.

J.J. Abrams was presented with a challenge when he was asked to retool the franchise. In part, his goal was obviously to open the appeal to a larger and younger generation. Star Trek certainly has some appeal to the same types of science geeks that have always loved it, but if it going to return to the mainstream zeitgeist, it would have to find a way to speak to a generation of Americans whose parents may not even have been born when the original series aired in 1966. There's some question about whether the Star Trek universe can even be relevant after it was fully deconstructed in the very, very good Galaxy Quest (1999).

What comes to the screen is closer to Starship Troopers than it is to what Gene Roddenberry originally conceived.

The plot is largely a boondoggle for all that gets set up for later: The film begins with the birth of James Tiberius Kirk. His father and mother are on a science mission for Starfleet (Mom is already in labor) when an enormous Romluan vessel appears out of a strange phoneomenon. The Romulan vessel requests an audience with Ambassador Spock, who is unknown to the crew. The Romulan captain (played by Eric Bana in another thankless, almost unrecognizable role) destroys the ship, but not before Kirk's father is able to allow the crew to escape, sacrificing himself in the process. Later, the young Kirk is an Iowa farmboy with a rebellious streak, who eventually is convinced to join Starfleet, where he may be about to graduate in three years. He meets up with the crew that the fans have come to love: Spock, Dr. McCoy (whose presence has really been missed from the Star Trek universe), Uhura, Sulu, Chekov, and, eventually, Scotty.

The movie is beautifully composed. Abrams puts together some incredible images. The Romulan vessel is fantastic looking, and the image of the U.S.S. Enterprise being built atop the vast plains of the American midwest is breathtaking (although nonsensical when you think about it). The U.S.S. Enterprise of the new series looks more futuristic though grounded in a kind of mechanical reality. The bridge looks not unlike the FBI office in Minority Report, but deeper on the engineering decks, the ship looks like the interior of a present-day aircraft carrier, with a maze of piping and stairwells.

Most of the cast members are interesting to spend time with. Chris Pine probably has the greatest burden in playing Captain Kirk, but he resists the urge to do an impression of William Shatner. Of all the cast members, Pine comes off as having the most fun, and can be a successful axis for the franchise to spin. Zachary Quinto is excellent as Spock, although some may be waiting for him to turn into Sylar from the television show Heroes and begin eating brains. Simon Pegg is a pleasant mid-screening surprise as Scotty.

There are tons of inside jokes for casual fans or followers of the originial series or movies to note and enjoy, although this is not a movie that will alienate newcomers. Never don the red jersey, guys.

J.J. Abrams's style here is often hard to follow. Some of the fight scense are choreographed in a way that is difficult to follow for the viewer. The geography of the landscapes is hard to ascertain (personally, I'm perplexed about the scale of the Enterprise, although this has long been difficult to cobble together). The movie in itself is dynamic, but it's hard to tell sometimes what all the motion is getting us toward.

Ultimately, what the audience is left with is an attractive, interesting cast of characters that feel familiar. Abrams moves the pieces into place, but it feels like the game is just beginning. Star Trek probably feels most like (though is inferior to) Bryan Singer's 2000 film X-Men. Everything is ready to go, but there isn't really time left to get the journey started.

The primary cast is reportedly signed for at least two movies after this one. Star Trek is a good summer movie, but it won't leave anyone thinking about its deeper meanings or implications. It's possible that the existential scifi genre has been relegated to small, indie films like Sunshine, but I hold out hope that these characters can give us more to think about in the summers to come.

Just, please, stay away from the whales.

Final Verdict: Not as good as Hellboy 2: The Golden Army, but better than Pineapple Express.

Summer Project: Blockbuster Review!

2009-05-10T10:55:00.000-07:00

Summer is here. It was 100-plus degrees in the Valley of the Sun this weekend, and I've given up hope that the heat is going to go away again until after Halloween (when the monsoon always ends).

The best way that Leah and I have made to escape the heat is to go see movies. I love to go to the theater during the summer blockbuster season and see these huge event movies with a bunch of people who I'd usually hate if I saw them in almost any other context. But I enjoy going to the movies with them.

Last summer, Leah and I went to almost every big movie that came out. The season started last May 2 with Iron Man and ran through the August 6 release of Pineapple Express. In those 97 days, I saw 12 movies in the theatre (at the time, it seemed like much more--I think it must have been a pretty crappy season). We caught up on some later on DVD (like the acceptable Tropic Thunder, the seizure-tastic Speed Racer, and the really disappointing Hamlet 2), but if we're not motivated to go to the theatre, then it's probably not going to be that good.

In the final analysis, I would have ranked the Summer Movies of 2008 thusly:

Tier I: Buy it on DVD and You'll Never Regret It

1. Wall-E

2. The Dark Knight

3. Iron Man

Tier II: Won't Change the Channel When It Comes on TNT in Three Years

4. Kung Fu Panda

5. Hellboy 2: The Golden Army

6. Pineapple Express

7. Hancock

8. Wanted

Tier III: Already Forgot I Paid $25 Dollars to See

9. Get Smart

10. The Incredible Hulk

11. Stepbrothers

Tier IV: Can't We All Just Pretend This Never Happened?

12. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

It's worth mentioning the movies that seemed like noted misfires that weren't seen during the summer of 2008, and were never caught up to. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, Sex and the City, The Strangers, You Don't Mess With the Zohan, The Happening, The Love Guru, Journey to the Center of the Earth, Meet Dave, Mamma Mia!, and The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor were all flicks that We couldn't even garner the interest to go out and see, or even rent.

The project for this summer is to take the blockbusters of this season and see how they'd stack up against the above-average movies of 2008. I'll probably be seeing a movie every two weeks this summer, so after I have a chance to digest the latest summer blockbuster, I'll be giving my thoughts and a final ranking on the film.

My early feeling is that there are going to be a lot more Tier II and III movies this year, and not very likely to be the remarkable number of fantastic movies as there were last year (I hope that The Dark Knight and Wall-E will be remembered as great movies decades from now, and that Iron Man will remain a fun diversion into the future).

The summer blockbuster season really began May 1, with the release of X-Men Origins: Wolverine. While I loved the first 2 movies in the X-Men series, I was so disappointed with X-Men 3: X-Men United and the poor reviews (a 43 on Metacritc currently) of the Wolverine movie that I decided to stay away and hope that enough women see it that full chest hair comes back into style (finally!).

So, the Blockbuster Reviews will begin this week with the new J.J. Abrams reboot of the original Star Trek franchise. I'm going to try and stay away from reviews of these movies so that I'm only subject to the advertising hype but not the criticism until I've had a chance to put together my own thoughts.

Just to give you an idea of how busy this summer is looking for me, here are the other films that I'm looking forward to checking out just based on early buzz and what I've seen or movies that I'm going to endure based on the interior negotiations of my marriage:

Angels & Demons (May 15)

Terminator Salvation (May 21)

Up (May 29)

Year One (June 19)

Public Enemies (July 1)

Bruno (July 10)

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (July 15)

Funny People (July 31)

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (August 7)

District 9 (August 14)

Inglourious Basterds (August 21)

Very exciting. Other movies that we might end up seeing if it's too hot outside or we're really bored include The Hangover, Land of the Lost, The Taking of Pelham 123, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, I Love You Beth Cooper, (500) Days of Summer, and When In Rome (I have a weakness for Kristen Bell).

It's going to be a busy summer.

The Kampmobile

2009-05-07T14:50:00.000-07:00

Presently I drive a 1997 Toyota Corolla. I inherited it when I moved back to Phoenix and my wife and I tried to share it once I got a couple of jobs. One job was in Paradise Valley (some 30 miles from our home), and it became clear that we weren't going to be able to share the car. Leah bought a 2006 Honda CR-V, which she loves and I appreciate.

The Corolla has seen better days. When Leah was driving down the US 60 freeway one afternoon, an asshole in an SUV (he was probably wearing an Ed Hardy t-shirt) drove over a section of tire track and threw it into the hood of the car, making a large dent on the passenger side. When Leah was teaching at a Christian summer school in Scottsdale, another asshole in an SUV sideswiped her car in the church parking lot, so the rear driver's side wheel well is a little dented. I tried to change the battery one weekend and I did something to the positive battery connection. Now every few times I need to get the ol' girl running I have to pop the hood and twist the cable tightly in to place. The driver's side safety belt has a jam, so it takes a few minutes to unspool.

Still, the car gets me where I need to go. I am not a recreational driver. I prefer to be able to stretch my legs, and I don't like wasting gas. I try and combine my trips and take care of as much as I can when I leave the house. When I do go out, though, I drive carefully, coasting into red lights and stop signs, trying to idle as little as possible, keeping the engine below 60 miles per hour.

My favorite thing to do in the car is measure my gas mileage and see how far I can go on a single tank. Since it just started getting hot (99 degrees right now at 3:00 p.m., but it feels like 104), I have been able to go through most of the spring without using the air conditioner, driving instead with the windows cracked and the vents open. It's mostly comfortable.

In the last two and a half weeks or so, I've been able to get 369.55 miles on a tank of gas. When I refilled today, I put in 11.682 gallons. That works out to 31.63 miles per gallon! That exceeds the government-stated gas mileage of the car for the same year, which is listed at 23 city, 31 highway. I am super-excited about this new record. I usually am able to get 340 miles or so on a tank of gas.

My mileage was better than a 2009 Honda Civic and only 9 mpg higher than a 2009 Civic Hybrid. I love my little car.

Congratulations to the Boss

2009-04-30T16:45:00.000-07:00

Christopher Edward Kamper today scored his first two "real" pars of his retirement. Congratulations to The Boss for the first real accomplishment of his sunset years.

It should be noted, though, that both pars came on Par 3s and were completed with a 7 Wood off the tee.

I think I speak for everyone when I give best wishes on actually being able to hit a 6, 7, or 8 iron the 162 yards in the coming years.

On the Perfection of Self

2009-04-30T06:46:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking quite a bit lately about the interesting and thoughtful post that MLC put together recently over at a handsome little sum. I've been trying to formulate a response to what he's been talking about, and I think I'm ready to put some ideas down in a committed way.

The biggest issue that MLC and his partner have been undertaking lately is veganism. I am aggressively not vegan, and not simply because it is one of the many things that White People Like. I think that there are good reasons that people have for going vegan. Reasons that are defensible in many ways. For me, those are the ways that vegans are uncomfortable with the byproducts that their putting into their bodies when they eat meat or other foods that contain meat byproducts. I am not one to question these beliefs any more than I feel comfortable being anti-choice. To me, the same moral and ethical issues apply. But this is not the reason that MLC is suggesting here. He says that he's committing to veganism because he feels that meat, in all its myriad forms, is in some way bad.

There are a couple things that I'm uncomfortable with here. The first is that the best way that we define ourselves as individuals in society is as consumers. Really? I like to look at my role in the greater landscape and impact through what I create and return to the society in which I live. I do far more as a teacher and an artist than I can as someone who only buys tofu and chickpeas week after week. It's only when one fully gives up on the commitment to return to society does one begin to believe that their greatest impact is in what they can take from it.

My second real departure from MLC is the impact that he apparently believes his decision has on the marketplace. If the heart of this decision is the commitment to a more ethical lifestyle, isn't the more impactful decision to commit to pay a little more (and then consume a little less) for responsible, sustainable products? I understand this isn't a commitment that everyone in the world can make, but that's one of the great virtues we have being born into positions of privilege. If we are really committed to examining our impact on the demand side of the chart, surely the impact would be greater not to remove ourselves from the marketplace, but instead to shift our purchasing priorities to those products that we feel are ethical. Although the marketplace has supported ethical farming and ranching enough so that there's national (largely) distribution for these products, any decreased market share for industrial meat production will be felt more if there's a corresponding uptick for sustainable production. The economy only feels shifts in market share; there's no pressure for change if the consumer just removes themselves from the equation altogether.

My final issue with veganism has to do with the moral qualms that many vegans express with using these animals as "means to an end." I'm not sure I totally understand the underlying assumption of this argument. There's no question that animals used for industrial production have no hope of existing in a natural environment. 21st Century cows, chickens, and pigs are as much a creation of humans as the Prius, frisbees, or hemp shorts. It's the same with corn or soybeans. I'm not sure that I understand the moral or ethical imperative here. I understand that cows and pigs would prefer to be alive, but so would the mold that creates penicillin. Should we forgo antibiotics?

My really final issue with the outward-looking veganism of MLC is that in order to be serious, it must be evangelical. If one truly believes that eating meat or using animal products is so detrimental to the human experience that it must become taboo, it is not possible not to try to impress these views on others. Just as it's impossible for someone who truly believes that abortion is murder to abide a single instance (even in cases of rape and incesnt), so also must the philosophically serious vegan be unable to abide those around them eating meat or wearing leather in their presence. Even if the vegan is able to watch a companion devour a delicious kobe beef burger, the implication to the companion is obvious: you are not as pure and uncompromised as I.

What I found particularly interesting in MLC's post though was the latter part, in which he describes his and his partner's living philosophy as being "radical decency." I'm not going to critique this philosophy right now, because I feel like I've already kind of taken a dump on their beliefs too much already (although it's meant in love and to challege the seriousness of one's intentions). But it has gotten me thinking about my own governing assumptions.

I think that what I have been living under for the past few years has been the philosophy of the title of this post. And I don't mean this is any Ayn Rand bullshit. That kind of philosophy leads to alienation and distrust. I know, because my mother-in-law is a scary fundamentalist libertarian.

What I generally mean is that over the past year or so I've become more aware of the limits of my own body and mind and genetics. That being said, I have been living in the hope of reaching the limits of the material with which I've been provided. The human mind only has the capacity to focus on three or four things at a time. But we are also creatures of habit. As I work to perfect one part of my life, that becomes habit, and integrated into my everyday experience. Once that goal is maximized (although never achieved) it becomes part of the lifestyle, and the mind has space to move on to the next project.

My current projects are generally rolling. Every year I work to become a more perfect teacher, whether it is through greater discipline in grading essays in a timely manner, or becoming more forward-looking in planning, or (most lately) in becoming more involved in the campus community and working for students outside the classroom. I'm always interested in pursing perfection in the body, and part of this was making the decision that I will commit to working out six days a week. That's a committment that I've been able to keep, and has allowed me to continue to push my physical limits. I've worked to become a more perfect member of the ecosystem by taking small steps like bringing bags to the grocery store to limit the amount of waste that we use. In a step that drives Leah crazy, I have maximized my fuel efficiency by coasting into red lights and making sure that I'm stopped as little as possible when I'm driving.

Is part of this meant to be a role model for others? Of course, but that's not the focus. The understanding is that when everyone is constantly striving toward their own perfection, then the goals, because we are all members of a society, begin to diverge creating a better world. This is the idea that I try and pass on to my students.

The funny thing about working with 18- and 19-year-olds with modest ambitions is that they're more than happy living with the status quo. There is an inertia that has been built up by at least the last four years of high school and maybe more. I try and teach them that nothing of value comes without struggle, and then requre them to struggle in order to succeed. There's virtue and value in that struggle.

As long as I'm struggling, I feel like I'm moving toward the perfection of self.

Arizona Cardinals Draft Recap

2009-04-28T08:06:00.000-07:00

I plopped down on the couch Saturday for six or seven hours to watch the NFL draft, and I couldn't be happier with the results for the Arizona Cardinals. General Manager Rod Graves continued his successful run of letting the draft come to him and not wheeling and dealing. Graves (I think) has learned his lesson that he's not a fantastic draft manager or deal maker after trading down to take OLB/DE Calvin Pace and WR Bryant Johnson in 2002 and trading up in the second round to select DT Alan Branch (who has yet to start a single NFL game) two years ago.

Rod Graves doesn't seem to have a good feel for the draft, and perhaps doesn't trust his ability to gauge the league when it comes to deals. I would still prefer that the Cardinals replace Graves with someone who has a track record of success in the league, but Graves did build the current NFC Champion roster, so who am I to really complain?

In the first round, the Cardinals selected Ohio State running back Chris "Beanie" Wells. Of course, I predicted this on ESPN.com, but more importantly, I think this is good news for the franchise. I think that Wells should be motivated by his low draft position, and the possibility of a much larger second contract. I think that the Cardinals' exposure with Wells is relatively small, considering that his contract shouldn't be prohibitive should Wells underperform. I expect that Wells will enter the season at #2 on the depth chart, but should still get the bulk of the carries (like the way the Cards managed the Edgerrin James/Tim Hightower tandem last season). Hopefully, James will get his release from the Cards' roster this week, and be allowed to find other work.

It's possible that the Cards should have traded out of this pick in order to garner multiple picks later in the draft, or perhaps a 1st round pick in 2010. But I don't trust Rod Graves to make a good deal with a team trading up, and I don't really like the prospects of Shonn Greene or LeSean McCoy to be an every-down back in the NFL. The Cardinals needed a starting-caliber running back, and got one with the 31st pick in the NFL draft. There were no compelling players to fit their other need at this position, and so I think they made the correct choice.

Beanie gives the Cards a physical running back with home-run ability. He will able to be physical across the line of scrimmage, and doesn't need wide holes to break through to reach his highest gear. The bust potential for Wells is relatively low, especially as the Cardinals manage the transition from a wide-open passing attack utilizing the abilities of Kurt Warner to more of a power-running offense after Warner's inevitable retirement.

In the second round, the Cardinals addressed their second primary need by adding defensive end/outside linebacker Cody Brown from the University of Connecticut. Last season Cody Brown notched 11 sacks and 16.5 tackles for loss for the Huskies as well as eight pass deflections. Brown will begin his career as a situational pass rusher for the Redbirds while he adjusts to the NFL game and his new position as a 3-4 outside linebacker instead of the 4-3 defensive end he was in college.

This pick is a good one because it infuses the Cardinals' outside linebacking corps with youth that had been absent since Calvin Pace departed. Starting OLBs Bertrand Berry and Chike Okeafor are on the downside of their careers, and 2008 free agent signee Travis LaBoy underperformed his first season before suffering a leg injury that limited him for much of the second half and playoff run.

The Cards had to have been sweating that Brown would remain on the board after similar prospects like Conor Barwin, David Veikune, and Paul Kruger went off the board in the middle of the second round. Brown was the last promising OLB prospect who could make an immediate impact, and the Cards should feel satisfied with his potential. Had Brown gone off the board, it's possible that the Cards would have added TE Richard Quinn from North Carolina, who would have been the blocking tight end the franchise has been looking for since Ken Whisenhut arrived in Arizona.

In the third round, the Cardinals drafted safety Rashad Johnson from the University of Alabama. Crimson Tide coach Mike Saban reportedly told Arizona scouts that Johnson is the smartest player he's ever coached. Johnson is on the small side at 5'11", 203 lbs, but he should find a role in the Cards' nickle and dime packages early in his career. The Cards love to play three safeties in nickel coverages (though whether this continues with the addition of Bryant McFadden in free agency and the departure of Clancy Pendergast remains to be seen), and this addition will allow the Cardinals to have a more "true" free safety on the field, freeing up Pro Bowl player Adrian Wilson to play closer to the line of scrimmage and free safety Antrel Rolle to be more instinctive in the intermediate zones.

What the addition of Johnson does most is create intense competition between 2008 holdovers Matt Ware and Aaron Francisco as well as free agent addition Keith Lewis (San Francisco). All three of these players are a liability in defensive packages, although each makes contributions on special teams units. Francisco was once believed to have a ton of promise, but the former undrafted free agent has had a hard time progressing after ending the 2007 season on injured reserve. Francisco likely makes the final roster because he is an excellent special teams player, but will possibly see his role in defensive packages reduced.

It's difficult to say whom the Cards might have liked had Johnson been off the board, but it's possible they would have drafted South Florida OLB Tyrone McKenzie, who was chosen two picks later by the New England Patriots. McKenzie would be an inside linebacker in the Cardinals' 3-4 defense, and would have provided an insurance policy behind franchise player Karlos Dansby and core middle linebacker Gerald Hayes.

In the fourth round, the Cardinals rolled the dice on St. Paul's cornerback Greg Toler. Toler was not invited to the NFL Combine, but impressed a lot of scouts during his on-campus workout. He has great speed, although not the other special abilities of another small-school cornerback on the Cards' roster, Dominique Rogers-Cromartie. Toler will have to compete for a place on a suddenly croweded defensive back depth chart, but should find an early role as a gunner on special teams units.

An interesting note on Toler is that there are a lot of questions about his ability to handle zone responsibilities. A feature of Clancy Pendergast's defense was three- or four-deep zone converages behind his inventive blitz schemes. The selection of Toler may mean that the Cardinals are going to move to more traditional Pittsburg defenses. The Steelers frequently use more cover-1 or -2 alignments in the secondary, leaving cornerbacks more alone in man-to-man coverage.

In the fifth round, the Cards acquired a mountain of a man in 6'8", 364 lbs offensive tackle Herman Johnson from LSU. That 364 lbs. number is probably charitable, but this is the biggest player the Cards have had on their roster since the departure of Leonard Davis. Johnson projects to offensive guard in the NFL and again suggests that the Cards are undergoing a slow transition in their offensive philosophy. Johnson is a powerful drive blocker who may struggle in his pass sets. When Johnson sees the field in a year or two, he's not going to be playing a lot of snaps in shotgun.

In the sixth round, the Arizona Cardinals selected defensive end/outside linebacker Will Davis. Davis effectively replaces 2009 draftee Chris Harrington, also drafted in the sixth round. Harrington was cut in training camp and signed to the Cardinals' practice squad before being signed by the Cincinnatti Bengals mid-season. Davis will be asked to cut some weight from his current 261 lbs and transition to the outside linebacker position. Davis will face a battle for a roster spot, but should find a place on the practice squad. It will be interesting to see whether the Cards try and hide him during the preseason to keep other teams from claiming the prospect.

In the seventh stanza, the Cards drafted a pair of players in tiny (5'8", 180 lbs) Pittsburgh running back LaRod Stephens-Howling and Cincinnatti Bearcat offensive guard Trevor Cantfield. Both players will likely face a steep climb to make the final roster. Stephens-Howling will be competing with 2009 free agent signee Jason Wright (Cleveland). Stephens-Howling's best chance to reach the NFL is as a gunner on special teams and a returner in the kicking game (a hole left with the departure of J.J. Arrington). He has good speed, but his size really limits his ability to play at this level. Cantfield could compete for the final offensive line roster spot, but more likely will land on the practice squad, where he'll bide his time before the departure of Elton Brown in 2010 free agency.

Overall, the Cardinals had a fairly solid draft. They've managed to keep their core group of players together through free agency, and now have added to the future transition of the franchise. It's imperative now that GM Rod Graves keep working to extend the contracts of Karlos Dansby and Adrian Wilson to free up space for the very large free agent class of 2010. This is very much a transitional group. I don't think that the Cardinals' competition in the NFC West has improved greatly through free agency or the draft, and barring injury the Cardinals should be in favorites to win the division again. Hopefully, they'll be able to win the division with a record closer to 11-5 than the 9-7 which which they finished 2008.

New Readings

2009-04-20T10:41:00.000-07:00

Leah and I went over to Changing Hands Bookstore this weekend while we were running some errands. I think we showed remarkable restraint while we were there in making sure that we only got books that we felt like we really needed.

Leah got Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith. I picked up Geek Love, the novel currently under consideration for the AV Club Book Club, which I'm pretty excited about. I still have maybe 45 pages left in Arabian Nights, but I'm really not sure if I have it in me. The last narrative is pretty boring and repetitive.

Also, I really want to read Stephen Fatsis's 7 Second of Panic, but it hasn't come out in paperback yet and I don't want to pay $25. I gave it to my brother Paulie for Christmas last year, so I'll probably borrow it from him.

I am the Most Famous Person You Know

2009-04-17T12:30:00.000-07:00

I promise not to let this go to my head. ESPN.com hasn't put the link up on their front page yet, but ESPN.com will come up now when my name is Google searched, and that's pretty fantastic. It's worth listening to the podcast as well. I'm going to have to defend my title this summer, but I'm not very worried about it right now.

Since we're a week away from the NFL draft, I thought I'd provide my first round projection as of this moment. I'm going to assume that the pending trade of OT Jason Peters from the Buffalo Bills to the Philadelphia Eagles goes through. I think that's a good trade for both teams.

Pretty much every team in the Top 10 will want to trade down for better value, but I don't think that's going to happen because no one wants to trade up for any of these players. I actually think there will be a lot of trades around the first round of this draft, but they're going to be unpredictable. I'll put teams that would prefer to trade out, but I'm going to assume that every team is going to be stuck picking where they are.

1. Detroit Lions - Matthew Stafford, QB, Georgia. The Lions need some direction as a franchise and need someone for their fans to believe in. Because this draft is deep in offensive tackle talent, they'll pass on two players who I think teams will have questions about.
2. St. Louis Rams - Jason Smith, OT, Baylor. The Rams need to rebuild their offense, and that starts at offensive tackle. They will start Alex Barron and this pick, but training camp will decide who will be the anchor on the left side.
3. Kansas City Chiefs - Michael Crabtree, WR, Texas Tech. New coach Todd Haley knows that you can win with the passing game, as does new quarterback Matt Cassell. They have the linebackers to take a stab at the flex packages of new DC Clancy Pendergast, but Crabtree will the the dynamic threat that will make Bobby Engram and Dwayne Bowe even better.
4. Seattle Seahawks - Eugene Monroe, OT, Virginia. It's funny that high draft picks from Virginia rarely become more than solid players at the next level. I think that the Seahawks would like to trade down a little bit and get Mark Sanchez. They'll use this pick as the heir apparent to Walter Jones.
5. Cleveland Browns - Brian Orakpo, DE/OLB, Texas. Rarely is there as good a fit between a prospect and a team than we have here. Orakpo will be able to begin his career as a situational pass rusher as he gets used to his other linebacker responsibilities.
6. Cincinnati Bengals - Andre Smith, OT, Alabama. Smith can be an All-Pro right tackle as a rookie for the Bengals, who need to jump-start their offense and protect their franchise quarterback.
7. Oakland Raiders - Jeremy Maclin, WR, Missouri. Owner Al Davis loves skill position players and loves speed even more.
8. Jacksonville Jaguars - Aaron Curry, LB, Wake Forest. Linebackers always, always, always slip down draft boards. There has been a lot of chatter that the Jags would like to draft QB Mark Sanchez with this pick, but they gave a big extension to David Garrard just last season. They thought they might trade out of this pick to a quarterback-needy team, but they sprint to the podium when they find a rare player like Curry still on their board.
9. Green Bay Packers - Everette Brown, DE/OLB, Florida State. The Packers are transitioning to a base 3-4 defense. This gives the Packers much greater flexibility with their pass rush packages.
10. San Francisco 49ers - Malcolm Jenkins, CB/S, Ohio State. Jenkins will be a free safety at the beginning of his career, and then perhaps transition to cornerback if the 49ers transition to a Cover-2 defense. If the draft breaks this way, San Francisco could get a nice yield for Mark Sanchez, or draft him themselves.
11. Buffalo Bills - Tyson Jackson, DE, LSU. Jackson gives the Bills a meaty presence at defensive end, and a two-way player who never has to leave the field.
12. Denver Broncos - B.J. Raji, DT, Boston College. Players of Raji's size and speed are rare in the NFL. He will immediately upgrade the Broncos' defense agains the pass and the run.
13. Washington Redskins - Mark Sanchez, QB, Southern Cal. Dan Snyder gets to make a spalsh and make headlines through the rest of the offseason while talking heads discuss the QB controversy in the Capitol. Sanchez remains in a West Coast offense and gets to be part of a premire NFL franchise.
14. New Orleans Saints - Chris "Beanie" Wells, RB, Ohio State. The Saints are crazy for drafting offense again, but there are no exceptional defensive players on the board. The Saints would love to trade down for a team that wants an OT or linebacker, but they'll end up happy with the second coming of Deuce McAllister.
15. Houston Texans - Brian Cushing, LB, Southern Cal. The Texans are trying to build the best front-seven in the NFL, and they're well on their way if the coaches can get all the pieces working together. Houston would definitely be able to trade out of this pick to a team looking for an OT or the last quality QB in this draft.
16. San Diego Chargers - Michael Oher, OT, Mississippi. Oher solidifies the right tackle position for the San Diego Chargers and would make all the skill positions even better. The Chargers looked long and hard at Rey-Rey, but Oher was too good a prospect to pass up.
17. New York Jets - Josh Freeman, QB, Kansas St. The New York Jets are actually a pretty solid team except for the guy who touches the ball on every offensive play. The Jets would be wise to take the Miami Dolphins route and aquire a veteran presence to compete for the starting job with Freeman and Kellen Clemens.
18. Denver Broncos (via Chicago Bears) - Rey Maualuga, LB, Southern Cal. The Denver Broncos are thrilled with the first round of their draft after this selection is made. Rey-Rey is a playmaker and a leader.
19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Peria Jerry, DT, Mississippi. The Tampa-2 defense runs because of a quick, penetrating defenisve tackle just like Jerry. If the draft breaks down like this, the Bucs would love to trade out of this position.
20. Detroit Lions (via Dallas Cowboys) - Vontae Davis, CB, Illinois. The Lions effectively have no starting-caliber cornerbacks. This pick makes them better.
21. Philadelphia Eagles - Aaron Maybin, DE, Penn St. The Eagles love taking defensive linemen with thier early picks, and this gives genius DC Jim Johnson another weapon to work with.
22. Minnesota Vikings - Brandon Pettigrew, TE, Oklahoma St. The Vikes would love to trade out of this position, and would likely find a partner. Instead, they add to their ability to block from their exceptional running back tandem and gives whoever is their quarterback a quality safety valve.
23. New England Patriots - Knowshon Moreno, RB, Georgia. It's impossible to understand how Bill Belichek ends up in the situation where incredible players fall to him. Someone will almost certainly trade up to this point to grab a talent like Moreno.
24. Atlanta Falcons - Robert Ayers, DE, Tennessee. Ayers will anchor the strong side of the Falcons' defensive line and push Jamaal Anderson closer to being a complete bust.
25. Miami Dolphins - Clay Matthews, LB, Southern Cal. Gives the Dolphins an excellent character player and a pass rushing presence on the outside of their 3-4 defense.
26. Baltimore Ravens - Darrious Heyward-Bey, WR, Maryland. The Ravens would like to trade this pick to the Arizona Cardinals for Anquan Boldin, but they will be happy adding another weapon for Joe Flacco to develop with.
27. Indianapolis Colts - Percy Harvin, WR, Florida. The Colts hate drafting in the first round, and would likely trade back to the 2nd. But Harvin gives them a dynamic slot WR and return specialist.
28. Buffalo Bills (via Carolina Panthers through Philadelphia Eagles) - Eben Britton, OT, Arizona. The Bills now need a left tackle to block for Marshawn Lynch and Trent Edwards. Britton will work for them and probably not hold out all of training camp. Also, since Britton went to college in Tucson, Buffalo will feel like Manhattan.
29. New York Giants - Hakeem Nicks, WR, North Carolina. Nicks isn't the home-run threat or has the rare size to replace Plaxico Burress, but does give Eli Manning a reliable target on third-and-six.
30. Tennessee Titans - James Laurinitis, LB, Ohio State. Laurinitis goes into an excellent situation because the Titans are excellent at protecting their linebackers. He'll also provide excellent leadership to this unit.
31. Arizona Cardinals - Donald Brown, RB, Connecticut. Brown is a complete running back. The Cards look hard at LB Larry English, but they look at their board and see that there will probably be a hybrid pass-rusher available where they pick in the second round (like Clint Sintim, Michael Johnson, Conor Barwin, or Paul Kruger). Brown immediately becomes the starting rusher and allows Edgerrin James to get his long-desired release.
32. Pittsburgh Steelers - Alex Mack, OC, California. This seems like the most logical pick in the draft; all of the experts are picking Mack to Pittsburg. This essentially assures that it will not happen.

That's the way I see it. Actually, I expect that fewer linebackers and more wide receivers will come out in the first round, but I have a hard time putting it together. Also, I think that more cornerbacks will come out.

Stealing Music Again

2009-04-10T14:01:00.000-07:00

When I was in graduate school, there was a nice little record store in the downtown area. All of the people that worked there were assholes, though. So I shopped across the street at Tower Records.

I'm the kind of person that can't wait to listen to new music once I get it. I take the packaging right off the CD and throw it into my stereo to see what I got. One afternoon, I was listening to some music outside my building and FAMOUS POET JOSHUA CLOVER walked by and noted that it was quaint that I "still pay for music." This was four years ago.

Really, I like paying for music. I'm a completist by nature, and if I'm going to follow a band long enough that I'm going to get all their albums, I feel like I should pay for what I'm getting. I understand that 95% of that money is going to evil record companies, and that most bands make their money off of touring. But I don't go to concerts because I don't like being around other people. So if I like someone's music, I'm usually going to be willing to pay for it.

Once I started teaching, I decided that I was comfortable enough that I could afford to purchase all my music. I got an iPod as a gift from the wife when I got a real job, and iTunes makes it easy to purchase music, and $9.99 for a CD seems like a pretty good deal. And when I listen to singles that I like (which I do all the time--I love that song "Handlebars", but there's no fucking way I'm paying for the whole album), I don't mind paying $0.99 when I believe that the artist is going to get a piece of it.

But with the economy the way it is, and the way my school has been cutting back on class assignments and everything else, it doesn't really make sense to buy music unless you really believe in what the artist is doing. And so I've gotten back on Soulseek and have started gathering music the way that the kids do these days.

I feel like I'm giving back a little bit by staying on-line with Soulseek even after I've finished downloading my desired songs. That allows people to check my library and see if there's anything they want. I suppose that's more of a co-op model for the music industry.

I promise that when there's a good CD that comes out, I'm going to buy it. But when I'm just exploring a new artist or something, that's kind of a big investment.

Anyway, here are the last five or so albums I stole. I'm pretty sure that I can reccommend all of them:

Common, Universal Mind Control
Lil Wayne, Tha Carter III
Lily Allen, Alright Still
Lily Allen, It's Not Me It's You
Kate Nash, Made of Bricks

Do I feel like a heel for paying a lot of money the last three years for music that I could have gotten for free? Not really. I swear.

Arizona Cardinal Mock Draft

2009-04-06T15:07:00.000-07:00

Time has flown, and I can't believe that the NFL draft is only two weeks away (well, really three, but who can count when there's this much excitement.

I know that no one cares, but here's the mock draft that I put together for the Arizona Cardinals. I'd like to put together a two-round NFL mock draft in the next week or so. Thankfully, I think that most of the trades have been worked out prior to the draft.

A couple notes on methodology here: I'm using the NFL Value Board from TheHuddleReport.com to estimate what players are going to be where. If you're an NFL draft buff, THR is a great resource and an excellent way to spend $9.99 per year. They do a pretty good job of estimating where players are going to go in the draft. I also lean on The Sporting News draft guide for some information on the late-round guys, and the Scouts, Inc crew at ESPN.com.

Also, there has been some talk that the Arizona Cardinals are going to trade WR Anquan Boldin before the draft happens, because he's begging for a new contract. Personally, I don't think this is going to happen. The Cards wouldn't part with Boldin for less than the 1st and 3rd round picks plus that Dallas gave up for Roy Williams, and no one's going to give that up.

Round 1 (31st Overall) - DONALD BROWN, RB, CONNECTICUT The Cards are looking for a running back to share the load with 2008 fourth-round pick Tim Hightower. Brown can be a franchise back and can do it all, and will quickly establish himself as the featured back in this offense. BONUS NUGGET: The Cards would love to have Oklahoma State TE Brandon Pettigrew fall to them here, but it's not going to happen.

Round 2 (63rd Overall) - PAUL KRUGER, DE/OLB, UTAH The Arizona Cardinals need to get younger at the outside linebacker position, as well as get healthier. Kruger isn't an impact pass rusher, but he'll pressure the quarterback from the strong side and develop into an able replacement for Chike Okeafor. BONUS NUGGEST: The Cards would also look long and hard at USC DT/DE Fili Moala at this place if he's available, but Kruger presents too great an opportunity to pass up. The Cards have been fortunate the last couple of years to find depth in the draft at the same positions where they have needs. In a normal draft, a player of Kruger's caliber would be gone in the first 50 picks.

Round 3 (95th Overall) - DAVID BRUTON, S, NOTRE DAME Bruton is a player who is a great physical specimen who sometimes take false steps toward the ball. It's possible that his playmaking abilities were hidden in a poor Irish defense last season. The Cards will be able to use his skills early as a special teams player, but also as the heir apparent to inside-the-box playmaker Adrian Wilson.

Round 4 (131st Overall) - T.J. LANG, OT, EASTERN MICHIGAN Arizona needs to re-stock its cupboard with offensive line talent. Lang will work with 2008 seventh-round pick Brandon Keith as the developmental prospects of Arizona's future offensive line. The Cards will gamble on another small-school prospect and hope it works out as well as it did with CB Dominique Rogers-Cromartie (Tennesee St.) and OT Reggie Wells (Clarion).

Round 5 (167th Overall) BRANDON HUGHES, CB, OREGON STATE You can never have too many cornerbacks on your roster. Hughes has the size and speed numbers that coaches covet, and can begin his career as a special teams gunner and contributor. A great locker-room presence, as well.

Round 6 (204th Overall) ANTHONY HILL, TE, N.C. STATE Hill has worked through some injury problems, but the guy can be a consistent short-yardage target and can develop into a productive blocker with time.

Round 7A (240th Overall) LAROD STEPHENS-HOWLING, RB, PITTSBURGH LaRod could catch on as a return specialist and could make things interesting as a third-down back and special teams contributor.

Round 7B (254th Overall) ANTONIO DIXON, DT, MIAMI This Hurricane will give the Cards a developmental prospect at NT should Gabe Watson leave as a free agent next season or perennial disappointment Alan Branch fail to show up at camp as anything more than a fat tub of goo.

One final thing: I'm going to be involved in one more ESPN Football Today podcast before the draft. I'll post the link when it becomes available, but I'm really excited to be in the Superfans' mock draft. Then, during the long, boring offseason, I'll have to defend my mantle as Arizona Cardinals Superfan.

Really?!

2009-04-03T10:01:00.000-07:00

Thursday night is dinner at Grandma's house. It's one of my favorite nights of the week because I love spending time with my family and I don't have to cook (although I do have to do dishes!). Grandma made some wonderful, meaty pork ribs and some beans and a bunch of other good stuff, and a good time was had by all.

Grandma lives maybe 6 or 7 miles away from our house, and we're usually done with dinner before 8 p.m. After we left, we were driving home on our usual route, and we're looking to turn right onto Alma School road. The person in front of us turns on his blinker to get into the center lane just as he's entering the intersection. He brakes to a stop maybe 10 feet in front of the intersection.

Now, I have opinions about other people's driving. I can't stand that woman who was putting on eyeshadow while driving down Warner on Monday morning. I got cut off by a guy eating a Cup O' Noodles while he was merging onto the Loop 101. But I usually restrain myself from using my horn, because I know that we all get a little iffy, especially early in the morning or during afternoon drive time.

But this guy was making a dangerous, unnecessary maneuver in the middle of a busy intersection. The right lane was not a right-turn only lane, and the light was green. So I let him know that I did not appreciate his decision-making.

Immediately after completing my right-hand turn? Berries in the rear-view window. I'm right in front of Mimi's Cafe, so I pull up to the nearest turn-in (in front of Fiesta Mall), and park. I pull out my license and my registration for the motorcycle cop. He comes up to the window and says, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

"I can only assume it's because I honked my horn at that guy at the intersection."

"That's right. Was that guy in danger of causing an accident?"

"Yes, he'd breaked to a stop in the middle of a right-of-way intersection, and was merging into the center lane."

"Well, I didn't see that, because I was pulling into the right lane to pull you over. You know that a horn is only for emergencies, not to let someone know how you feel about their driving. Also, you totally ran a red light to get in to here."

"Well, I wasn't. And I guess I was too busy wondering why the heck I was getting pulled over."

"I'm going to let you off with a warning this time. Be careful."

"Thanks very much."

Really?! The Mesa Police Department doesn't have anything better to do than enforce etiquette at 8 p.m. on a Thursday night? Really? We're blocks from one of the most crime-stricken areas in the East Valley, and you're going to give me shit about a guy who was actually doing something illegal and dangerous? Really? Really?

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but that was stupid. Why don't you work on making sure that people aren't driving 35 in a 45 down Dobson Road like they always do, officer?

The Crafts... They Come to Us.

2009-04-01T16:46:00.000-07:00

One of the great pleasures of living in the East Valley is the bi-annual Tempe Arts Festival. They have one in winter (usually around my brithday) and spring (last weekend). It's a great place to go Christmas shopping for one of a kind merchandise and a fun place to spend a day walking around and enjoying the incomperable Arizona spring.

Usually there's one dominant craft at the festival. A few years ago it was these brass or copper garden stakes that had like a little sculpted beetle or dragonfly on the end. This year, without question, the number one theme was tie-dyes. There were a lot of what I guess they'd probably called Hand-colored clothing, from scarves to ascots to cravats. There were tie-dyed briefs in almost novelty-large sizes. There were tie-dyed onesies for the li'l'uns.

But, there was also this fantastic hat:
It had a partner that had an entire preserved snake's head on the hat band, but Leah refused to try it on.

We really didn't buy much. I took out $60, but we only got lunch at Sack's Art of Sandwicherie (the best sandwiches in Arizona--an institution), and three jars of salsa. Leah got some black bean salsa, and I got a limited edition Habanero salsa that they save for people like me who are dicks about salsas not really being spicy enough.

Some of the coolest things that I've seen at the Art Festival are these cheese trays that are actually melted-down-and-flattened liquor and wine bottles, and there are always a couple of really neat artists. I really liked these architectural renderings of childhood subjects (they have a series of cocktail pieces that they don't have on the kids' site that are fantastic) and these semi-camp, Southwestern iron sculpture. I think that eventually Leah and I decided that we liked the art but could do without the crafts.

A Good Walk Spoiled

2009-03-26T10:05:00.001-07:00

Friday, March 20, 2009--
The Boss & Joey: 82
The Boss's Son & Paul: 75
Par: 62

All right, technically, the course was the real winner on the day. But seven strokes was a pretty dominating performance, and we never scored below a legitimate 6 on any hole, and I actually hit some nice balls. I think my stroke is really coming around:

That ball ended up far on the right, but I think I look pretty good doing it. And I think the important lesson--at least in my family--is that it's okay to do something well, but it's great if you're able to look good while you're doing it.

It was a good day, and fun to spend with my brothers before Joey returns to Flagstaff to rush through his homework from Spring Break. It was a little chilly when we left, but it got hot around the middle of the day, and I was the only one who brought any sunscreen. That didn't spare the backs of my calves or the crooks of my elbows, though. Oh, and my chest, which had a pretty fantastic little "V" on it for the family portraits we were taking with my mom that evening.

Someone that didn't fare as well was The Boss, who was frustrated most of the afternoon. I'm pretty sure it's because he decided to take his 7-wood out on this Par 3, and still didn't make the green. Keep working out there, big guy!

It's fair to say that a good time was had by all. It's more accurate to say that a good time was had by Paul and I, because we dominated. It's most accurate to say that the best time was had by the guy in the group behind us who hit the ball over the green on the par 4 10th with a hybrid wood (at almost into our group).

Phoenix is lovely this time of year. If you haven't tried it yet, I would really recommend it. There are a couple of hot days to come, but the past four or five months are the reason that we live here.

One bonus video: The Boss vs. The Round Mount of Rebound. We report, you decide.

All Stripper-Song Playlist

2009-03-23T10:19:00.000-07:00

One of the things that I've been thinking about for a couple years is building a playlist based only on songs that are about strippers. Maybe this is because I listen to more hip-hop than all of my friends, but I feel like there's a rich vein of songs about strippers (but not really for strippers--"Cherry Pie" probably wouldn't qualifty).

I'd love to get some help here. I have the Ying Yang Twins feat. Wyclef in "Dangerous," and Akon feat. Eminem in "Shake That." I'm sure there are alternative songs about strippers, and probably country songs. Any help, readers?

Long-promised architecture post

2009-03-16T13:08:00.000-07:00

In the first couple of years that Leah and I were dating, Leah's parents purchased a parcel of land far on the outskirts of the city of Tucson, Arizona. It was on this parcel that the Fenecks were going to build their dream home.

John is an architect. He's done a few homes and a lot of re-designs and renovations and such. One of the first things that I learned was that architects don't just design skyscrapers and the Guggenheim at Bilbao.

The House was the last big project that John and Sandy were going to undertake before they plan their funerals. After three kids that turned out pretty well, this was the last real collaborative effort that they would be working on together.

Which is not to say that I didn't try and put my two cents in. I did some sketches on the back of a place mat at Claim Jumper, but they weren't interested in geodesic domes on stilts. Instead, they designed this:

It's actually level; it's my camera that is slanty. It's a really cool building, or pair of buildings. The floor plan is really open, and the kitchen is huge and features a fantastic range that I've maybe used more than anyone else. There are a couple of interesting interior features to the main building (picured above).

One of them is the fact that the walls don't go up to the ceiling. That's kind of cool because you can eavesdrop from everywhere. One drawback is that if you want any privacy when you're visiting, you have to run out to the guesthouse. But there are a lot of really nice nooks and crannies.

The other cool thing is the honest-to-God spiral staircase in the northeast corner of the building:

I think that they borrowed this idea from my original sketches. But it's really cool. Well, it's cooler as a feature than it maybe is as a functioning piece of design. There are a couple reasons for this. One is that while I'm sure the staircase is actually functionally sound, it feels quite rickety. The other thing is that you have a relatively tight radius that you're turning over, and by the time you make the two turns to get to the top of the stairs, you're a little disoriented.

Anyway, when we go down to visit (like we're doing again this week), Leah and I stay in the guest house:
The guest house functions as an office for John and a place where one can drop a deuce with some modicum of privacy. I'm sorry now that I didn't take more pictures of the interiors. The building is essentially divided in two halves, with John's office on the south side and the guest room on the north side. In the back is the privy and a mini kitchen (including a very small range). It's really nice and hopefully they'll put a flat screen TV in there soon so I never have to visit with the in-laws ever again.

More importantly, because John is self-employed and works all the time, this means that the house truly was the last collaboration of the Feneck marriage, and now they each have their own spaces and only have to sleep together (as far as we know--there is a bed in the guest room, after all).

There are a couple issues that I think were under-resolved. The first is that the main house doesn't have a picture window facing west. Arizona sunsets are too beautiful to put a wall in front of, and I kind of felt like the Fenecks were kicking God in the family jewels by putting storage on their west wall. Another is that they put Sandy's collection of wind chimes on the facade of the guest house, and whenever it's windy out, it sounds like you're sleeping in the bell tower of Notre Dame.

But the biggest problem is that the house lacks a name. I'm tired of saying that "We're going to Leah's parent's house." The house isn't really in Tucson, so we can't say that. What I'd like is a nice, British-style estate name, like Howard's End or Summerville. The house sits on five or six acres, so I think that it would befit a nice moniker. Help me out, readers. Any ideas?

More Information Than You Want To Know About the Arizona Cardinals

2009-03-12T13:13:00.001-07:00

It's easy when your team was minutes away from winning the Super Bowl to get complacent. That's really how I've felt since Super Bowl XLIII ended in the Cardinals' defeat. That, and emotionally numb.

The offseason is usually Christmastime for Cardinals fans. The opening of free agency represented a bonanza that would help the team climb from 5-11 to 7-9. But the last couple years I've been under the philosophy that I'd rather my favorite team make headlines in January than in February and March. But the NFL Draft is coming up, and I'm beginning to get excited again.

So today I'm going to give an overview of the Cards' offseason so far, and hopefully in the weeks leading up to the NFL Draft (April 25 & 26) I'll begin giving some position rankings for the Cards and a mock draft of at least the first round.

THE OFFSEASON SO FAR
The Arizona Cardinals entered the offseason focusing on keeping the core of its team together. This would seem to be a good idea considering the great success in the offseason. But all was not well for the Cards. They finished the regular season with a 9-7 record and a relatively terrible end to the season featuring embarrassing losses to Philadelphia, New England, and Minnesota. This is a team that isn't a finished product, and needed to get better.

As with many successful teams, the Cards had some attrition to their coaching staff. Offensive Coordinator Todd Haley departed to become head coach of the Kansas City Chiefs. Defensive Coordinator Clancy Pendergast was judged to be too inconsistent and was fired (he later took a coaching position with KC, as well). Haley's departure will be felt, but it's difficult to imagine that Pendergast will be missed. While the Cards' defensive rankings have varied based on yardage, they've always been near the bottom of the league in scoring. The Cards replaced Haley and Pendergast from within, hopefully maintaining some continuity in the program.

The Cardinals had two priority free agents on their own roster in quarterback Kurt Warner and linebacker Karlos Dansby. For the second year in a row, the Cardinals placed the Franchise tag on Dansby, ensuring that he'll remain a Cardinal in 2009, although that comes at a cost of $9.678 million against the salary cap. After a week as an unrestricted free agent, Kurt Warner re-signed with the Arizona Cardinals for two years, $23 million. Dansby remains a work in progress, but he is one of the two best players on the Cardinals' defense. It will be difficult to label the 2009 offseason a success if Dansby and the Cards don't agree to a long-term contract before the deadline sometime in July.

The Cardinals also re-signed third-string quarterback Brian St. Pierre to a two-year contract. St. Pierre will reportedly be allowed to compete with former franchise savior Matt Leinart for the backup job.

The Cards have had some other significant free agent departures. Starting defensive end Antonio Smith signed a big deal with the Houston Texans, and backup running back J.J. Arrington elected to join the Denver Broncos' crowded backfield. The Cards have a plan in place to fill in for Antonio Smith, but Arrington's defection has left the Cardinals' running back situation in dire straits.

The Cards did a good job bolstering their depth at the cornerback position by adding Bryant McFadden from the Pittsburgh Steelers. They've also added long snapper Mike Leach after cutting former long snapper Nate Hodel on the eve of free agency.

There are several other Cardinal free agents who remain on the open market. Linebackers Monty Beisel and Clark Haggans, defensive end Bertrand Berry, offensive lineman Elton Brown, and defensive back Ralph Brown are all players that the Cards will likely lure back into the fold as the draft approaches. These are all solid depth players who had an impact last season and whose services will be appreciated (at the right price) in 2009.

Finally, running back Edgerrin James remains on the Arizona Cardinals' roster, even though there's no chance of him returning to the team for next season. The Cards are reluctant to release James when they don't need salary cap relief and they don't have a clear replacement already on the roster. It's shameful that the Cardinals aren't allowing James to shop his wares around the NFL in the possibility of finding a starting job somewhere.

According to a source I trust, the Cardinals are currently sitting on over $9 million in salary cap space, and there's not much left out there for them to shop with. When Edgerrin James is released (which will happen), the Cards will get another $5 million in cap relief. The entire Arizona draft class will be fit under James' current cap number alone.

The Cardinals would like to use that remaining money to upgrade the contracts of a number of the players already on their roster. I've already talked about Karlos Dansby. Should Dansby and the Cardinals agree to terms on a long-term contract, his salary cap number would likely decrease. The Cards would also like to upgrade the contracts of Pro Bowl players safety Adrian Wilson and wide receiver Anquan Boldin. Adrian Wilson has been a tremendous leader for the Cardinals' defense and has been a loyal member of the Franchise. He is entering the final year of his contract and should be re-signed to a contract equivalent to his status as one of the three best safties in the National Football league.

Anquan Boldin is a stickier issue. He has been complaining about his contract since last offseason, when his teammate and fellow wideout Larry Fitzgerald signed a 4-year, $40 million contract extension. Boldin will turn 29 during the season, and has not completed a full 16-game schedule since 2006 (only the second time in his six-year career). Anquan Boldin has been to three Pro Bowls and is without question one of the top 10 wideouts in the NFL. But he has two years remaining on his current contract. With the amount of money the Cardinals have invested in Larry Fitzgerald, it's unlikely that they'll be willing to make a similar investment in another receiver. Boldin has requested to be traded, but it's unlikely that the Cards can find compensation to what Boldin means to the franchise and the fan base. The Cardinals would likely have to offer Boldin a contract that averages between $7 and $8 million per season; the Cards would have to receive at least first- and third-round draft picks as well as a starting-caliber player from a team that wants to acquire #81. A new deal may be struck, but not until the season starts.

ROSTER BREAKDOWN
Quarterbacks: This position is one of the two or three strongest units on the team. Pro Bowl and Super Bowl starter Kurt Warner returns, with still-young backup Matt Leinart behind him. It's easy to forget that Warner and Leinart were involved in a position battle deep into the preseason last year. There have been some rumors that head coach Ken Whisenhunt has soured on the young Leinart, but his future with the Arizona Cardinals remains strong, as Kurt Warner turns 38 in June. It's possible that Warner will not be able to stay healthy through another 16-plus games. St. Pierre returns as a solid third option. Position Grade: A

Running Backs: This is the weakest position overall for the Arizona Cardinals. With Edgerrin James' time as an Arizona Cardinal over, only Tim Hightower returns at the tailback spot. Hightower entered the league with a bang, gaining 109 yards in his first start against the St. Louis Rams and setting a team record for touchdowns by a rookie, but for the season he averaged only 2.8 yards per carry. It remains unclear whether Hightower can be the primary runner for the Arizona Cardinals. At fullback, the Cardinals allowed starter Terrelle Smith to test the free agent waters. While it's possible that he will return, it's more likely that the Cards will turn to Tim Castille to man the position on the rare occasions when the Cardinals decide to use a fullback. Position Grade: D-

Wide Receivers: The strongest unit on the team. The Cardinals dressed two starters in the 2009 Pro Bowl at the position in Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald. In the three-wide receiver set, the Cards deploy Steve Breaston to the outside, where he accumulated over 1000 yards. The Cards also have impressive depth at the position between veteran Jerheme Urban and 2008 third-round pick Early Doucet, whose season was limited by a hamstring injury. This is the current focus of the Cards' offensive attack. Position Grade: A+

Tight End: Tight end has been a trouble spot for Ken Whisenhunt since he arrived in the Valley of the Sun. Leonard Pope was a third round pick three years ago, but injuries and a philosophy change have prevented him from realizing his talent. Ben Patrick also suffered injuries and continues to develop, but is not the kind of in-line blocker that Whisenhunt prefers. Stephen Spach was signed mid-season off the street and worked his way into the starting lineup before suffering a knee injury in the playoffs. This remains a sore spot for the Cardinals, but the tight end is rarely used in the Cardinals' offense. Position Grade: C-

Offensive Line: The Cardinals were able to protect the quarterback adequately in 2008, and were able to muster some kind of running game once the playoffs began. The left side of the offensive line, anchored by tackle Mike Gandy and guard Reggie Wells, is the strong point of this unit. The right side of the line features Deuce Lutui and Levi Brown. Both players remain inconsistent, and Brown has done nothing to make fans forget that the franchise passed on Adrian Peterson to draft him. Lyle Sendlein starts at center. He is undersized and can be pushed around by big, physical nose tackles. The depth in the unit needs to be addressed, as only 2008 7th round pick Brandon Keith and 2008 undrafted free agent Elliot Vallejo serve as backups. Position Grade: B-

Defensive Line: The Cardinals have good depth at the defensive tackle position. Darnell Dockett is a borderline Pro Bowl player and a core player. Bryan Robinson was impressive filling in at nose tackle in the Cards' hybrid 3-4 alignment and more than justified his value as a late-term free agent signing. Gabe Watson suffered an offseason knee injury and was just beginning to round into form. He has the great size (6'3", 332 lbs) that is coveted at the nose tackle position, and he has exhibited an above-average motor when he's healthy. 2007 second-round DT Alan Branch has been a tremendous bust so far for the Cardinals. He maintains a tenuous hold on a roster spot being deactivated for 12 of 16 possible games. At defensive end, the Cards were prepared for the departure of Antonio Smith by drafting DEs Calais Campbell (2nd round) and Kenny Iwebema (4th round) in the 2008 draft. Campbell played sparingly in 2008, but possesses great size should he be able to put on weight in the offseason. Iwebema can be a good rotational player. The problem is, though, that besides Dockett, the team lacks a real pass rushing threat in this unit. Position Grade: B-

Linebackers: The Cardinals look to generate much of the pass rush from their outside linebackers. Bertrand Berry lead the team in sacks from the Cards' hybrid DE/OLB position, but that number was a disappointing 5. Berry is an unrestricted free agent, and will be 34 years old when the 2009 season kicks off. The Cardinals hoped to take some pressure off Berry when they signed Travis LaBoy from the Tennessee Titans, but LaBoy battled injuries throughout the season and didn't have much of an impact. On the strongside of the formation, Chike Okeafor returned from a torn pectoral injury in 2007 looking to make the impact that many expected of him. He was solid, but not spectacular. He is also going to be 33 when the 2009 season kicks off. The Arizona Cardinals desperately need to get younger at the outside linebacker position. The inside linebackers are one of the best units in the NFC West division. Karlos Dansby is a playmaker and unit captain, leading the team in tackles in 2008. Next to Dansby is Gerald Hayes, who is an above-average run defender and solid team player. Until Monty Beisel (ILB) and Clark Haggans (OLB) re-sign, the depth in this unit is going to be a concern. The Cards have undrafted free agent Ali Highsmith returning from a knee injury, but not much beyond that. Position Grade: B

Secondary: The key player in Clancy Pendergast's defense was strong safety Adrian Wilson. Wilson is a disruptive influence when he's allowed to play near the line of scrimmage, possessing rare size, strength, and speed for the position. Wilson isn't a great player against the pass, although his play has improved. He does possess below-average ball awareness and would prefer to go for the big hit than the interception. Wilson is a cornerstone of the defense, and should continue to produce at a high level. Next to Wilson is free safety Antrel Rolle. Rolle was drafted as a cornerback, but last season was asked to change positions last offseason. Rolle had some coverage breakdowns early in the season but became more consistent as the year wore on. Rolle is especially dangerous when the ball gets into his hands, and I expect a breakout season from Antrel Rolle in 2009. At cornerback, the Cardinals enjoyed an early payoff from first-round draft pick Dominique Rogers-Cromartie. DRC started the final 9 games of the season and quickly developed into a lockdown cornerback. He posted 9 passes defensed and 2 interceptions during the Cardinals' playoff run. He has a bright future should he continue to improve his game. On the other side of the field, returning starter Roderick Hood will compete with free agent acquisition Bryant McFadden for the starting job. Hood was picked on consistently by opponents last season, when he suffered through a chest injury. The Cardinals now boast three starting-caliber cornerbacks. Depth is also solid in the secondary, with Aaron Francisco as the primary backup and sixth defensive back and Mike Adams as a fourth cornerback. If the Cards can manufacture a consistent pass rush, the secondary will be free to make more plays. Position Grade: B+

Special Teams: Kicker Neil Rackers enjoyed a bounce-back season in 2008, although he was not asked to kick in the clutch situations where he let the team down in 2007. The Cardinals signed punter Ben Graham halfway through the season, and while there were some inconsistencies, the Cards feel confident bringing him back this year. The Cardinals have some good players on their special teams units, such as Aaron Francisco and Pro Bowl special teams player Sean Morey (whom I saw at the gym last summer), but the Cards ranked 30th in the NFL in net punting average and return average. The Cards also have some room to improve in their own return game. The Cards lost their primary kick returner in J.J. Arrington and Steve Breason may choose to focus more on his receiving duties. The Cards ranked 25th in the NFL in kick returns and 27th in the NFL in punt return average. Position Grade: C-

DRAFT PRIORITIES
If the Arizona Cardinals are going to improve upon their remarkable 2008 season, they're going to have to locate a pass rushing defensive end/outside linebacker and a starting-caliber running back. They would also like to get a blocking tight end who has some receiving skills. They also would like to upgrade their center position and their return units. Along with this, they would like to add depth at defensive end, offensive tackle, offensive guard. Future posts will suggest some possible players for these positions.

Bulletin

2009-03-11T05:32:00.000-07:00

Leah forgot that yesterday was our third wedding anniversary. I think she remembered when I brought out the special carrot cupcakes that I'd made (from scratch) with the three candles on it while singing "Happy Birthday" to our marriage.

It seems that the shoe is on the other foot, huh, society?

For Mr. & Mrs. Clearwater

2009-03-04T20:46:00.000-08:00

Happy almost 2nd anniversary.

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

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Danger!

2009-03-04T13:05:00.001-08:00

Do not stick your nose in the mouth of this baby:

That's our niece, Bryn Alyssa. She's five months old. Everyone that handled this child become violently ill and is now just beginning to recover.

Truth be told, Bryn is very cute and smiley. She just carries the plague. Keep at arm's length. Do not, I repeat, do not stick your nose in this baby's mouth. I know that the mouth looks cute, and like the perfect place to put your nose, but that is simply not a good idea.

Trust my insides on this one. Or what's left of them.

Good stuff to come...

2009-03-02T09:43:00.001-08:00

...But I'm very sick today. Keep checking back for new posts about contemporary architecture and other peoples' babies. I'll post my thoughts as soon as these crippling stomach cramps go away.

I Am Tiger Woods

2009-02-24T16:05:00.000-08:00

Ken McDonald Golf Course
Tuesday, February 24, 2009

The Boss: 53
The Boss's Son: 59
Par: 36

Ugh. I would have done much, much better if I hadn't scored back-to-back 8s on the opening holes (handicap 17 and 1, respectively). I spent a lot of time practicing on the putting green, but no time warming up my swing. On the first hole, I'd taken 7 strokes before even reaching the green.

By the last half of the 9 holes, though, I was hitting the ball pretty well, with a couple slip-ups. It was a fun game, and I don't think that Tiger Woods Golf 09 is doing much to help my swing. But at least I'm ahead of The Boss, who pull out his big driver for the 183-yard Par 3 on 6:

Just for the record, I pulled out my 6 Iron and was closer to the pin (and longer off the tee).

Also, that picture makes me look fat. That's not really how I look.

Coming soon: skinny pictures! :crossedfingers:

Oscar Memory; Bonus Cheesecake!

2009-02-23T12:43:00.000-08:00

The Oscars were last night, and so I thought I'd share a memory from long ago featuring the World's Best Actress (?).

By best friend Brian and I started a tradition back when we were in high school of going to see a movie on Christmas Day night. After all the presents were opened and I'd made by blended-family peregrinations, we'd head over to Ahwatukee and the AMC 24 cinemas there to see whatever Oscar bait had come out.

One year, the movie we really wanted to see was Jackie Brown, the Quentin Tarantino-directed Pam Grier/Sam Jackson vehicle that is one of the more underrated movies of the late 1990s. But Jackie Brown was sold out. The thing was that for some reason I don't think we had a car that night. So we were stuck 8 miles away from home with no real plan but definitely little desire to head back already. So we bought a ticket to a big-budget movie that was widely regarded to be a Waterworld-level disaster in the making.

One would think that two seventeen-year-old boys would be pretty happy to sit through almost any amount of time for some nekkid Kate Winslet, but Titanic really tried our patience. It was long and boring. I never really know what to make of people that loved this terrible boat-sinking movie. I'm at a loss to really provide one reason why it's actually good in any way. I suppose that the effects are cool, but wouldn't you rather watch Terminator 2: Judgement Day? That movie's awesome.

Anyway, after we left the theatre feeling like we'd killed two and a half hours, we wandered over to the IHOP across Ray Road, and had some pancakes or something, and then trudged back home. It turned out to be a good night, in the way that a long conversation between two good friends can be. Also: good exercise.

Anyway, congratulations, Kate. I'm going to think about this article when I think about your Oscar, but when I think about you, I'll think of the image above.

Eyes Wide Shut

2009-02-19T11:02:00.001-08:00

Scott Tobias at the AV Club has an interesting discussion of Stanley Kubrick's Eyes Wide Shut as part of his interesting (and increasingly indispensible) "New Cult Canon" series.

My first thought on the piece is that I'm not sure that the movie deserves the "cult" status that is Tobias's project. I think that EWS is larger than a "cult" movie (although it's not unfair to say that the "New Cult Canon" has grown beyond the project's original ambitions as a whole). My second thought is that the movie deserves a deeper reading that Tobias provides (and really can provide in that format).

It's not that I disagree with most of what he's saying. Not in the least. Mostly I think that his reading is incomplete, and leaves out large stretches of the film that I think are important to the essential reading of it. The British Film Institute did an excellent little (and I do mean little) book reading EWS, as well. The BFI book suggested that the film is a discussion or meditation on parenthood, and the ending of the movie conincides with the conception of a male child. I'm not quite sure that I was convinced by that argument. John Rosenbaum has a critique from the Chicago Reader that I'm going to visit after posting this.

I haven't thought hard about this movie in a little while. There are a couple of themes wandering around in it that I'm still trying to fuse. One has to do with masculinity in the face of modernity (this is really the most obvious). Another has to do with sexuality and power--the way that social structures interact with the fragility of the human body. I think that may be the fusing element of the movie--which is a lot about romance in maturing relationships that are supposed to become more secure with time, but perhaps become more fragile.

But beyond that, I think the overarching feeling is that Eyes Wide Shut is a dreamscape. That's the thing that you hear most frequently in the criticism for the film. Everything's dreamlike and there are themes that recur, but this isn't a movie that is supposed to work on the thinking brain. Like most of Kubrick's best work, it speaks to the subconscious part of the brain (again, like a dream). These themes circle, but never join (much like Cruise during the orgy sequence).

The film is beautifully composed and shot. Each section is a feast for the eyes, despite the clumsy inclusion of the CGI figures. The images are in a way beyond-vivid.

There are sections of the film that I just can't yet put together, though. I'm not sure what to do with LeeLee Sobieski and her father the costume renter. I'm not sure what to do with the return visit to the hooker's house, to find out that she has AIDS (or something). There's a lot of Christmas in the film, and I'm not sure what to make of that, either.

I really believe that it's a cop-out to say that because it's a dream, these portions defy explication. That's just not true, because they feel intricately woven into the fabric of the film, as well. The movie would lack from their exclusion. But the great thing about Kubrick movies is that they have a timeless quality that will allow revisiting when I'm better equipped to put them together.

UPDATE: I just finished reading the Rosenbaum piece that I linked to above. It's a really nice analysis, though I don't totally agree with his final thoughts, either.

Really funny stuff from The Onion News Network

2009-02-18T13:24:00.000-08:00

NSFW, but really damned funny:

Daisy's Been Sick

2009-02-15T12:33:00.000-08:00

When I was accepted to graduate school, Leah wanted to get a pet so that she'd have something to come home to every night. I'm allergic to cats, and further am kind of opposed to them. On the other hand, the apartment we were staying in had a strict no-animals policy. Also, Leah will spend up to 12 hours a day at the office, and so a dog wasn't a particularly well-advised choice.

So Leah's sister suggested we get a ferret. And we did. We adopted Daisy from a family-run pet store on July 4, 2003. There's a lot to say about our times with Daisy, but that's not important now.

Daisy has been having a little cold the last few days. Maybe on Tuesday, I was listening to her nap, and her little snores were congested and squeaky. She's been even sleepier than usual lately. The days when she's active, if she gets worked up, she'll start coughing and sneezing.

I think she's starting to feel better, but Leah and I are nervous because ferrets and people can pass colds and flu between one another. So Leah brings home her kid germs, and then Daisy gets sick. I'm just glad that I have a super immune system.

R.I.P. Brooks Addiction 6

2009-02-09T14:50:00.001-08:00

I started running when I was going to graduate school. I was a walker for a long time, but I began to get some diminishing returns with that, so I started running. When I first started running (maybe 4 miles a day), I was wearing some Adidas high-top basketball shoes.

I immediately began to suffer severe knee pain. It was agony to walk up and down stairs. After consulting with some friends who were going to med school, I was advised to get actual running shoes and that I should be fitted with shoes by professionals.

After consulting with a professional, I was fitted with some spiffy Brooks Addiction 6s. It was magical the way that my knee pain disappeared once I started running in these. It was like Jesus came down from heaven and strapped clouds to my feet.

You're supposed to change out running shoes every 1000 miles. For me, that's about once a year. And now I've come to the end of my 3rd pair of Brooks Addiction 6s. I've gotten my last three pair at Fleet Feet Sports (two in Davis, one in Tucson). This time, I thought I'd be comfortable with my pronation to get the shoes online. So I ordered them today.

Let me say, first, that there's no shoes for my foot like the Brooks. I took a six-month hiatus with some Nikes, and my knee pain returned and my stupid iPod running device malfunctioned. But I've discovered that not only have they discontinued the Addiction 6, but they just discontinued the Addiction 7. The new shoe (Addiction 8, if you're wondering), is re-designed and is bigger and uglier.

My dad used to run, and he kind of stopped running after his running shoe was discontinued. I'm not ready for that (after all, I have a time to beat now), but I think after this 1000 miles, I'm turning to Under Armour. Or, I'll make another stupid trip down to stupid Tucson to get my stupid stride diagnosed.

5 Things I Love Right Now

2009-02-03T12:01:00.000-08:00

1. Chocolate Cupcakes and Peanut Butter Frosting. This was the treat I made to take over to my dad's to watch the Super Bowl. They are unbelievably easy to make (you use All-purpose flour!) and super-delicious. I understand that some of you out there don't love sweets. To those I say: move to Canada. The recipe said it'd make 14-15, but we cooked out the 18 in the little disposible cupcake tin, and still filled my own 12-cake pan. Since we had so many cupcakes, I had to double the frosting. We still have frosting left over. I think Leah's saving it for a special occasion. I'll never watch The Barefoot Contessa, but I thank my stars I found her cupcakes.

2. Bearwood Creek Creamy Potato Soup. It costs less than five bucks at the grocery store, and it makes a half-gallon of soup. That's good enough for a dinner-for-two and at least two lunches. The soup is fine on its own (that's how Leah likes it), but for me, I like to add maybe a quarter cup of canned corn, three strips of bacon (cut up into tiny pieces), and a couple teaspoons of Siracha sauce. Beyond compare for the price.

3. Ferrets. Daisy climbed into one of my cold-weather socks the other day. She wiggled in up to her hips!

4. Cox Digital HDDVR. It's changed my life in ways great and small.

5. Orange pens. They're great for grading, but they don't carry the social oppobrium of the red pen. Also, they don't carry the liberal squishiness of a green pen or pencil.

A New Way of Standing

2009-01-29T11:34:00.000-08:00

For Chirstmas, my dad gave us a Wii Fit. The wife and I love our Wii, and it has given us hours of enjoyment over this past year.

As an exercise device, the Wii Fit is intended for the most grossly obese or most embarrassingly inactive only. Jogging in place for four minutes is surely better than nothing, but it doesn't really substitute for the 30 minutes of activity a day that is reccommended.

One thing that the Wii Fit does to well, though, is give you some good advice. One of the first things the little machine asks you to do is take a "Fit Test." Again, this test has little actual bearing to one's fitness. The Fit Test essentially tests your balance and measures what it calls your "Center of Weight." When I first took the Fit Test, it gave me a Wii Fitness age of 48.

First, that's brutally unfair. The Fit Test works on the Body Mass Index (BMI). I'm a little overweight, but according to Wii Fit, my BMI is 26.7, which makes me borderline obese. My little Mii (the user avatars on the Wii) looks like Uter from The Simpsons. That is just not how I look. Also, when I play Wii Sports (which in itself is hours of fun and can be a good workout), my Wii Fit age is a very nice 21.

Anyway, my Center of Weight seemed to be two inches behind the actual middle of my body. So the Wii Fit reccommended that I practice standing with more of my weight toward my toes. I can't say for sure that it's improved my posture, but I'm definitely more cognizant of how I stand.

I'm not going to become an evangelist for Wii Fit other than for fun (the Step game is particularly great). But I think that if a little piece of technology can convice you to stand differently, I think that's worthy of mention.

R.I.P. John Updike

2009-01-27T13:56:00.000-08:00

I guess that this was inevitable, but The Onion A.V. Club is saying that John Updike has passed away.

Part of me is indifferent, because John Updike became a bit of a bore in the past 15 years, and is probably two generations removed from my own experience. Also the guy was 76 years old.

But it's also really sad, because the nation has lost maybe its finest living man of letters. Of Updike's novels, I've only read Couples, which is a masterpiece. I read a collection of his stories years ago that I think was called Problems and Other Stories. That was a solid collection, and was probably among the first 15 or 20 story collections that I'd read. Also, I was assigned to read The Centaur as an undergraduate, but didn't really give it a shot.

You can say a lot about Updike. Mostly he was kind of a dick, but he was an incredibly smart and sensitive dick who was a chronicler of the American Experience for 50 years. Couples was a remarkable book for me, and should be paired with Revolutionary Road as a reader of how life (and literature) was changed in America with the advent of The Pill.

With Updike gone, I wonder who replaced him as America's greatest living writer. I'm not really a Phillip Roth guy (because I'm a goyim). Who do you think would qualify? Part of me really wants to say John Irving, but I think that's just me.

If you're reading this and you haven't read "A&P," you really should follow this link. It's one of the best short stories ever.

First Day of School

2009-01-20T08:46:00.000-08:00

I had my first class of the new semester this morning. It was way out at the Williams Campus, but that place is really cool. When I was wandering around looking for Campus Security, I found out that the school has a hangar (it's right next to Williams Gateway Airport), and there's a helicopter in there. Maybe I'll come early one day and take a joy ride.

I'm watching the Inauguration right now. It's pretty great. Also, I found my digital camera cord! I'm posting some pictures. Last night, when I was making beef stir fry for dinner, I cut the top off a bell pepper and look what I found inside. It's not the Virgin Mary, but it's pretty exciting.

I also got a haircut. Have a nice day.

Super Bowl Bound!

2009-01-18T16:35:00.001-08:00

What a weird month to be me. I'm stunned that the Arizona Cardinals have won the NFC Championship and are headed to the Super Bowl. My dad and stepmom went to the game, so I watched it on TV with Leah.

I'm not going to say that there weren't some tense moments, but the Cards ended up winning. My dad sent me to the online retailers and wanted me to check prices.

Until I told him that upper level tickets were going for $1400+ apiece. Really, I'd rather have him spend that no a nice HD set that we can watch at his house.

I'm still a little shocked, and will surely have more to say over the next couple weeks. Man, what a great game. Go Steelers (more because I like the Steelers than I think the matchup will be good for the Cards)!

(Half) Marathon Man

2009-01-18T16:30:00.000-08:00

My dad got tickets to the NFC Championship game (more on that in a moment), so he gave me his spot in the P.F. Chang's Rock n' Roll Half Marathon.

My dad used to race 10Ks and marathons when I was a kid. When I was at the peak of my fitness, I thought about running a 10K, but it never came together. So, without more than running 20 minutes at the gym 3 times a week for the past month or so, I embarked on a 13.1 mile exodus from Downtown Phoenix to Downtown Tempe.

My final time was 2:11:16. I couldn't believe it, but that averaged out to a sub-10 minute mile! It was a lot of fun, and I can't believe that I was running that hard. I'm still pretty sure there was something wrong with the telemetry equipment.

I'm really, really sore right now. But I'm going to find a way to get to the gym tomorrow. I think.

Date Night!

2009-01-17T20:28:00.001-08:00

Leah and I went to see John Legend on Thursday night at the Dodge Theatre. We both love John Legend, although I probably like him better.

It was a really good evening. We got some gift cards to Fleming's Steak House and Wine Bar for Christmas, and so that's where we ate dinner. We shared a Cesar Salad and then Leah got the petite filet and I got a boneless ribeye. We shared the shoestring potatoes and some chipotle mac & cheese.

I always feel uncomfortable at fancy restaurants because I know the written rules (you use the utensils from the inside out), but I always worry about the unwritten rules. Like the shoestring potatoes weren't served with ketchup. So we asked for some ketchup, and they brought us a whole bunch in a gravy boat. We ended up dipping our fries in the boat, and feeling like rubes.

Estelle opened for John Legend, and she was really good and funny. John Legend has a really great voice, but it seemed like he was under the weather or something, because he wasn't really chatty with the audience.

The crowd is usually the best part of these things. Leah and I had the World's Broadest Couple in front of us. The man was maybe 6'3", 220, and his woman was broad-shouldered. The crowd was really good, though. Really diverse, with young and old, and lots of interracial couples, too.

The show ended with Legend playing "Are You Out There," which he premired at the DNC in Denver. When we walked out, there was a group of 17 year old white girls fishing their Parliments out of their purses and saying how "They hate Barack Obama so much." So weird.

Anyway, I have pictures, but I seem to have lost the cable for my digital camera. More to come!

Burning some time.

2009-01-13T15:26:00.000-08:00

Just because you're a college instructor doesn't mean that you're not forced to endure some Michael Scott-level of meetings. That's where I am right now, and I'm really appreciating that tool right now.

I'm really, really excited about the Cardinals appearing the in the NFC Championship game on Sunday. I feel like I should be more excited than I am. I think I'm kind of numb. I'm going to be apprearing again on ESPN.com's Football Today on Friday, so I'm putting some quips together for that.

I'm pretty much all done preparing for the new semester. I posted all my on-line materials today, and I have a couple other things to do, but I feel like I'm in good shape heading in. Mostly, I'm just jazzed to meet a new group of students.

Ugh. Small group work. More next time...

Welcome aboard!

2009-01-09T13:23:00.000-08:00

So... here's the first post on my new blog. I hope everyone enjoys it. I've been looking for more of a daily creative output and I hope that I can take the time to update this not obsessively, but at least regularly.

The intended focus for this blog will be a number of things. One is the usual goings-on of my life. The second will be my thoughts on my regular obsession, the Arizona Cardinals. I'm sure that I'll talk about more as I get comfortable with the form.

As always, comments will be appreciated. If you ever want to know my opinion on something, just ask.